Category: Business Decisions

Jenny Craig Is Going Out Of Business

May 4, 2023 / Posted by:

It’s the end of an era. Jenny Craig is shutting down after 40 years in the weight loss/diet culture game. NBC reports that the company has been on the hunt for a buyer for the past two weeks. Then, on Tuesday, employees received an email informing them that Jenny Craig will be closing “due to its inability to secure additional financing.” Hourly employees got the chop immediately, and corporate and salaried field employees’ last day will be tomorrow. The company told employees that they’ll receive their final paycheck, which will include all their unused paid off time, but it’s “highly unlikely” employees will receive severance pay. I hope you’re happy, Ozempic!

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Jennifer Lopez And A-Rod Are Reportedly Trying To Buy The New York Mets

April 21, 2020 / Posted by:

Today in business and sports news (sigh), Jennifer Lopez and her current fiancée, Alex Rodriguez, whose combined net worth is reportedly about $700 million, “have retained JPMorgan Chase to raise capital for a possible bid on the New York Mets.” Translation: JLo and A-Rod partnered with some big money companies to try and buy a baseball team.

Damn, when those two finally get hitched, that divorce is going to be a doozy. Continue reading

Cirque Du Soleil Laid Off 95% Of Its Staff

March 20, 2020 / Posted by:

Yesterday 95% of Cirque du Soleil employees got the bad news that they were being laid off due to the COVID-19 crisis. That’s 4,679 more souls sans income during this shit storm. Last week, company members were told they’d be kept on in order to get shows back up and running fast post-corona. But on Wednesday night, they got an email saying to stay tuned for an “important announcement”. Then, the next day, employees received a video from CEO Daniel Lamarre, letting them know they were out of jobs.  Continue reading

Forever 21 Has Been Saved From Bankruptcy

February 20, 2020 / Posted by:

Last year, the Gods of haute couture wept, for their savior, Forever 21, filed for bankruptcy last year and closed a bunch of stores (and all the ones in Canada, R.I.P.). At the time, they claimed they weren’t going out of business, but would instead be focusing on smaller operations and “online shopping”. But today, like Buffy and Jesus before them, Forever 21 has risen from the dead! Continue reading

Disneyland Raised Their Ticket Prices

February 12, 2020 / Posted by:

Uh oh! Today’s the day to be extra nice to people with kids, and those childless Disney-obsessed millennial sluts! Because Disneyland is raising its prices by a whopping 3.4%. A one peak-day ticket is now $154, which is five bucks more than before. Annual passes (for Disney obsessives) have also increased 13% since last year. Now they’re up to $2,199 a year.

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No, Mike Tyson Isn’t Smoking Up $40,000 Worth Of Weed A Month (So He Says)

August 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Mike Tyson recently stated that he spends $40,000 on marijuana a month, which feels excessive, but I just used a Groupon for toilet paper, so what do I know about budgeting. Well, it turns out Mike Tyson is clarifying what he meant by spending $40,000 on weed and it’s not just going into his personal stash or for him and his pigeons (you know they smoke). Instead, $25,000 is actually for business promotion and the other $15,000 is for the 200 plus employees at his weed company Tyson Ranch.

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