Uh oh! Today’s the day to be extra nice to people with kids, and those childless Disney-obsessed millennial sluts! Because Disneyland is raising its prices by a whopping 3.4%. A one peak-day ticket is now $154, which is five bucks more than before. Annual passes (for Disney obsessives) have also increased 13% since last year. Now they’re up to $2,199 a year.
The Los Angeles Times reports Disneyland’s last price increase was 13 months ago before they opened the expansion of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge. They aren’t raising the prices on days that many people can’t go because of boring work and school stuff, etc…
Under a new five-tier pricing scheme that charges more for days when demand is highest, one-day ticket prices rose as much as 5%. For the lowest-demand days — such as Tuesdays and Wednesdays in March — a one-day ticket to visit either Disneyland or Disney’s neighboring California Adventure Park stayed unchanged at $104. For peak days, such as most Saturdays and Sundays, the price of such a ticket rose to $154 from $149. There are also three middle-priced tiers.
One-day park-hopper tickets, which let a person visit both Disneyland and California Adventure, rose to $159 from $154 for lowest-demand days and to $209 from $199 for highest-demand days.
The MaxPass, which enables a park visitor to digitally book reservations for rides and attractions instead of waiting in line, increased to $20 from $15. Disney representatives point out that two rides — Autopia and Monsters Inc. — were recently added in the MaxPass reservation system, bringing the total to about 20 rides and attractions.
The price of the least expensive annual pass, the Select Pass, which blocks out holidays and peak-demand days, rose 5% to $419 from $399. The most expensive annual pass, the Premier Pass, which gives guests access to Disney parks in Anaheim and Orlando, Fla., without blocking any dates, jumped 13% to $2,199 from $1,949.
OK, I get it. Visit on a beautiful spring break weekend and you’ll pay out the ass. But go on a rainy Tuesday, and you can get in with a good ol’ fashioned flash of the titties. Fair is fair! Disney released this bullshit business statement:
“A visit to our parks is the best value in entertainment bar none, and we offer flexible ticket choices to enable families to choose what’s best for them.”
Even though, Disney reported an 8% increase in revenue from parks in December, I guess they’re still hard up for cash. That’s the only way to explain this ticket hike and them trying to save a buck by not paying for new screenplays. Seriously, I tried watching that Aladdin shit on Disney+, and couldn’t even make it through the “Street Rat” song. And I was stoned on weed crystals I dug outta my carpet. What a waste!
But I’m confused. I was under the impression that Disney tickets were already a thousand dollars a head. At least that’s what my father implied when he took my brothers and I to Disney World in 1999. I distinctly remember him pulling out his wallet at the ticket booth, and grumbling, “Jesus Christ, these Disney bastards’ll gouge ya any chance they get. Do you realize how lucky you kids are? Spoiled is more like it. You better have the best day of your lives!” For the record, we did not.