The above Miss Piggy photo was chosen to coat your corneas in glamour before I drop this devastating bomb: 300 Pizza Hut restaurants will permanently close after one of the chain’s biggest franchisees, NPC International, filed for bankruptcy last month. The specific restaurants and timing have not yet been determined, so this could affect any of us. To quote Joni Mitchell, “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone?”
This is terrible news for those who were hoping to come out of the COVID-19 lockdown and secure a $200 ticket to see charmingly quirky and suggestively sexual French Canadian contortionists and acrobats thrust, bend and swing around. Because Cirque du Soleil has declared bankruptcy due to coronavirus-impacted profits.
This is sad. It looks like Geoffrey the Giraffe might have some company in his unemployment support group for beloved corporate childhood mascots. Charles Entertainment Cheese, known informally as Chuck E. Cheese, is about to be evicted from his home of 43 years and unceremoniously dumped into the street. Which probably isn’t that bad, considering he is a rat, after all. People magazine is reporting that the iconic restaurant that bears his name, Chuck E. Cheese’s, is a mozzarella string away from declaring bankruptcy and shutting down all locations.
Last year, the Gods of haute couture wept, for their savior, Forever 21, filed for bankruptcy last year and closed a bunch of stores (and all the ones in Canada, R.I.P.). At the time, they claimed they weren’t going out of business, but would instead be focusing on smaller operations and “online shopping”. But today, like Buffy and Jesus before them, Forever 21 has risen from the dead! Continue reading
Gigi And Bella Hadid’s Dad Denied He’s Broke, He’s Just Too Broke To Tear Down The Shoddy Mansion He Built
Don’t panic! If you were worried that Bella and Gigi Hadid would be spending this Christmas shivering on the corner of Hollywood and Vine while shaking a tin cup and begging passersby for loose change, you can relax. Previous reports that their daddy Mohamed Hadid is bankrupt have been misrepresented, according to TMZ. There will be presents under the tree and Yolanda’s refrigerator will not be bare save a half eaten can of poor people formula Alpo. Last week Mohamed did file bankruptcy papers, but they were for his construction company. Mohamed was ordered by a judge to tear down what he calls Starship Enterprise, a ridiculous mansion he’s been building in Bel Air since 2012 because it’s not up to code and presents a “clear and present danger” to the neighboring homes. It’s going to cost $5 million to tear it down, and like any multi-millionaire worth his salt, Mohamed would rather work the system by fling for bankruptcy than pay for it himself.
Tomorrow is my 29th birthday and today Forever 21 has officially filed for bankruptcy. So it looks like I will never actually become the Kanye West lyric: “Rock Forever 21, but just turned Thir-tay.”
Forever 21 filed for bankruptcy and are closing, many, many stores, so some people won’t be able walk into a Forever 21 store to buy a shitty-made half-shirt with the phrase “Me Want Tacos!” or “Sundaze Are For SLEEP!” or “Girl$ Ju$t Want To Have Fund$” written on the back of it.