Category: Bristol Palin
Bristol Palin Is Naming Her Kid “Sailor” Too
Misshapen raffia bow Kristin Cavallari announced yesterday that she and her broken light bulb of a husband Jay Cutler gave their third child, a girl, the name “Saylor James.” While many of us ran over to that “Taylee-McKarty-Lakynn” picture to double check to see if “Saylor” was on it, the Princess of Alaska Bristol Palin let everyone know on Instagram (via UsWeekly) that she’s naming her baby after a sea man. Bristol said that she came up with the name before hearing that the chick from Laguna Beach named her daughter “Saylor.” Sailor Moon is side-eyeing both of those messes.
when you find out @kristincavallari named her baby the exact name you are naming yours what a weird coincidence .. congrats on your new bundle, and I do love her name.. Still naming my baby girl Sailor!
Bristol’s son’s name is Tripp and “The Tripp And Sailor” sounds like a dance that was really popular at weddings in the late 80s. If naming your daughter “Sailor” becomes a thing, there’s going to be a nation full of girls who will become experts at eye-rolling, because they’ll hear the phrase, “Hey there, Sailor,” at least three times a day.
If Bristol thinks she came up with that name first, she needs to stop, because before she could even spell “sailor” (although, she probably only learned how to spell it correctly last week), Christie Brinkley named her daughter that! Trick needs to give credit where credit is due. And since we’re on the subject of Christie and need a palate cleanser (because Bristol), here she is busting out a “Bitch, you know I still got it,” pose while on vacation.
Pic: Instagram
Bristol Palin Got Knocked Up On Purpose, So Says Bristol Palin
Nearly everything that comes out of Bristol Palin’s mouth hole is a certified lie. Two cases in point: 1) When she told everyone that she was keeping her legs closed, because abstinence is the only way, she was going to Fuck Town on the Bareback Highway. 2) When she said in her depressing pregnancy announcement that she really wants privacy, she meant that she wants everybody to pay attention to her as much as possible. Because Bristol threw up more words on her blog yesterday and she had something to say to the “giddy a$$holes” who called her out as the hypocrite she is. (Side note: “Giddy asshole” sounds like the condition my no-no gets when I look at pictures of Prince Hot Ginge.)
Bristol Palin Is Knocked Up Again
Permanent resident of the soap box Bristol Palin must have been too busy whooping bitches at snowmobiles parties and judging tricks left and right to learn about condoms, birth control pills, Mirena and the “finish on my thigh” method, because another unexpected visitor moved into her uterus recently. A month after canceling her wedding to that Dakota Meyer dude, 24-year-old Bristol announced on her blog today that soon she’ll be holding another baby in one arm while drunkenly beating a bitch at a party with the other arm. Bristol seems really happy about it too!
Unlike your friends on Facebook who cream out of every orifice about being knocked up, Bristol doesn’t seem that into it and she also didn’t say who the father is. Since she practices abstinence, she probably tripped and fell on a raw dick. Bristol says that she’s keeping her chin implant up, she doesn’t want any lectures (says the full-time lecturer) and knows she can handle anything with dignity and grace (HA!).
(I’m announcing this news a lot sooner than I ever expected due to the constant trolls who have nothing better to talk about!!!)
I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant.
Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one.
At the end of the day there’s nothing I can’t do with God by my side, and I know I am fully capable of handling anything that is put in front of me with dignity and grace.
Life moves on no matter what. So no matter how you feel, you get up, get dressed, show up, and never give up.
When life gets tough, there is no other option but to get tougher.
Bristol goes on to ask for privacy even though we all know she doesn’t mean that.
I know this has been, and will be, a huge disappointment to my family, to my close friends, and to many of you.
But please respect Tripp’s and my privacy during this time. I do not want any lectures and I do not want any sympathy.
My little family always has, and always will come first.
Tripp, this new baby, and I will all be fine, because God is merciful.
Sarah Palin hasn’t said anything about this yet. She’ll probably just release the same statement she released the first time Bristol got pregnant 6 years ago.
I know it’s too early to talk about names, but I really hope she names this one Fall. And well, Bristol’s new baby can look forward to having a grandma who will teach them about style and sophistication. Here’s some pictures I totally missed from January of Sarah Palin delivering massive amounts of “country star circa 1991” glamour at some event with Ted Nugent in Las Vegas.
Bristol Palin Blew Off Her Canceled Wedding BBQ To Hang Out With Her Exotic Model Friend
I’m about as musical as a dehydrated piece of rutabaga, but I’m thinking of starting a band just so I can call it Exotic Model Friend.
This past weekend, the Princess of Wasilla Bristol Palin (Side note: The next time I go outside and a snowball hits my head, I’m just going to assume that an angry bitch from Wasilla threw it at me from Alaska as punishment for calling Bristol Palin their city’s princess.) was supposed to walk down a moose rug runner to a Skynyrd song while wearing a custom-made Cabela’s camo gown, but that didn’t happen. Bristol hit the kill switch on her planned wedding to her fiancé of a second Dakota Meyer (the dude in the middle giving you lopsided Caesar cut) and it may or may not have something to do with him having a secret first wife. Bristol later claimed that she knew all about Dakota’s first wife and said he divorced her a while ago. Bristol didn’t say if her and Dakota’s love is now roadkill, but it looks like it is and it’s obvious her initials aren’t going to become BM (Bristol Meyer) anytime soon. Actually, if they did get married, Dakota should’ve taken Bristol’s last name so he could have the greatest initials ever: DP.
Sarah Palin burped out a statement saying that her family and Dakota’s family planned to turn the canceled wedding into a Memorial Day Weekend BBQ, because I guess they couldn’t get their deposit back. The BBQ happened on Saturday and many guests probably asked themselves, “Hmm, something is missing. Why am I not pulling out my cellphone to record an angry brown-headed chick beating a trick over the head with her UGG?” The answer is: Because Bristol wasn’t there!
Bristol Palin May Have Called Off Her Wedding Because Her Fiancé Had A Secret Wife
Normally when you’re thinking of making it legal with another person, you ask questions to make sure you’re compatible with each other. Stuff like “Would you say you like or love Shahs of Sunset?” or “In your opinion, how many bottles of wine is too many?” Once you get all the important shit out of the way, you move on to the boring questions like “Do you have a secret wife?” or “How many secret wives do you currently have?” Unfortunately, Bristol Palin’s mama was too busy practicing her smile-n-wink in the mirror to teach her daughter basic relationship 101, and now Bristol has once again found herself in the middle of some messy marriage drama.
Back in March, 24-year-old Bristol announced that she was engaged to a 26-year-old U.S. Marine named Dakota Meyer, and they were planning on getting hitched on Memorial Day Weekend. Then it got all kinds of Palin-y last week when it was revealed that Dakota Meyer may already have a wife. A friend of Bristol’s fiancé’s secret wife’s sister came forward and ratted his ass out, claiming that he got married in Kentucky when he was 19 and they still might be technically married.
Bristol Palin Spits On The Media For Twisting “The Truth” About Her Family’s Drunken Brawl
The Palin family’s drunken, messy, sloppy, snowmobile tussle is truly the trashy gift that keeps on giving.
The other day, audio came out of the Camo Duchess of Wasilla, Bristol Palin, crying out to the police after her family was involved in a booze-fueled fight at a snowmobile party in Anchorage. TMZ also posted pictures of Bristol’s LIFE-THREATENING (not at all) cuts and bruises. There’s been several versions of what happened. Some says that the Palins started it and others (read: The Mama Grizzly Gang) says that the Palins are the innocent victims in all of this. Bristol, a lifelong card carrying member of the victim club, farted out a blog post (via UsWeekly) about this SCANDAL and of course, she writes that her family is innocent and the “liberal media” is only dragging the story out because they’re conservatives. Bristol wonders if we even heard about Joe Biden’s coke-snorting son getting kicked out of the Navy for Lohan’ing it or the story about Chelsea Clinton’s fraudster father-in-law. Um, Bristol should take a tip from her mom and read ALL the papers, because those stories were covered.