The Palin family’s drunken, messy, sloppy, snowmobile tussle is truly the trashy gift that keeps on giving.
The other day, audio came out of the Camo Duchess of Wasilla, Bristol Palin, crying out to the police after her family was involved in a booze-fueled fight at a snowmobile party in Anchorage. TMZ also posted pictures of Bristol’s LIFE-THREATENING (not at all) cuts and bruises. There’s been several versions of what happened. Some says that the Palins started it and others (read: The Mama Grizzly Gang) says that the Palins are the innocent victims in all of this. Bristol, a lifelong card carrying member of the victim club, farted out a blog post (via UsWeekly) about this SCANDAL and of course, she writes that her family is innocent and the “liberal media” is only dragging the story out because they’re conservatives. Bristol wonders if we even heard about Joe Biden’s coke-snorting son getting kicked out of the Navy for Lohan’ing it or the story about Chelsea Clinton’s fraudster father-in-law. Um, Bristol should take a tip from her mom and read ALL the papers, because those stories were covered.
Many witnesses told the police that the Palins were every shade of plastered and Bristol got physical with the owner of the house by punching him in the face a bunch of times. But Bristol writes the same thing she told the cops on that classy night. Her family got attacked first, the owner of the house called her a “cunt” before pushing her down and she defended herself by punching him. The noted fame whore and 4-time reality show star went on to whine that the media keeps picking on her family.
This is what I don’t understand. I have mostly stayed out of the public eye for the past few years. I clock in and out of work – yes I actually have a job – like most middle class Americans and chip away at making my son’s life just a little bit easier. So why does the media still choose to put the Palins into an entirely different category of people? This “story” is still running over a month and a half later. Rumors still run wild, unsubstantiated claims are printed as true, and random people who weren’t even there are considered “eye witnesses.”
Bristol thinks it’s funny how the media didn’t go after Joe Biden’s son or other members of the “liberal elite.” Chelsea Clinton would never be treated like this!
….the friends and family of the revered liberal elite are treated like delicate China. Don’t handle too roughly. They are precious. They are off limits. Don’t push on them too hard.
In the meantime, I was pushed and held down by some guy… and the media salivates like a dog that’s just been given a bone.
Here’s the thing. Violence against women is never okay… Even if that violence occurs against conservative women. Imagine for a second the outrage that would happen if Chelsea Clinton had gotten pushed by some guy. Had she tried to defend herself, the liberal media would’ve held her up as some feminist hero.
Bristol never pressed charged against the homeowner dude for allegedly pushing her and the homeowner dude never pressed charges against her for allegedly face fisting him several times.
Bristol lost me at the first sentence of her blog post, but she really lost me when she compared herself to Chelsea Clinton. Bristol needs to stop crying, whining and lying, and embrace the fact that her family is the First Family of Class! Nobody really writes about Chelsea Clinton, because Chelsea Clinton’s life is boring! I’d write blog post after blog post about Chelsea Clinton if she got drunk at a state dinner and brawled with tricks while wearing an exquisite camo print thong dress as her kid cried in the background. So embrace it, Bristol. Because Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is gone, this country needs your family’s brand of trashiness now more than ever!
And here’s more priceless audio of a tanked Track Palin slurring out his version of the story to the cops after the fight. Track says that he took off his shirt during the fight, because it was brand new, and that he was out-numbered four-to-one or else he would’ve beat some ass, but he’s not gay or anything. Yeah, Track Palin took off his shirt in the middle of a group of sweaty, angry dudes, but he’s no homo! Sure, if Track was left alone with just one of those dudes, he would’ve jumped him from the back and beat him hard, but again, not gay! Four guys came at him, but like I said, he’s strictly clitly. Not gay!
But more importantly, when is somebody going to turn all of those Palin fight audio tracks into dance remixes?