You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.
It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!
Well, it happened. April 26, 2019 arrived and we’re all still breathing. That means Taylor Swift’s sinister countdown clock that threatened the end of life as we know it with a sticky, sweet rainbow Laffy Taffy blast that would have suffocated every last man, woman, child, and kitty cat on earth. There was an explosion, but it was contained within the confines of the Mary Poppins Returns sound stage. And the only casualty was poor Brendon Urie, who was killed by an errant butterfly. Praise Mariah. WE HAVE BEEN SPARED.