Category: 90210
Luke Perry Is In The Hospital After Reportedly Suffering A Stroke (UPDATE)
Just one day after news of that bizarre 90210 reboot punched a HUH? out of us, we’re learning that Luke Perry had a major stroke and is in the hospital right now. QUICK! Everybody grab your 90210 crucifix (read: a Dylan McKay doll) and a vat of 90210 holy water (read: some drugstore 90210 perfume from the 90s) and form a prayer circle around Dylan McKay now!
Shit That Doesn’t Make Sense: A “90210 ” Revival Without The Queen Brenda Walsh
Late last year, news about yet another Beverly Hills, 90210 reboot/revival/whatever was burped up when Jennie Garth, Tori Spelling, Ian Ziering, Jason Priestley, and Brian Austin Green were papped getting coffee in between laughably pitching to networks. I say “laughably,” because I can only imagine how raw the vocal cords of network executives got as they laughed uncontrollably while Jennie and company seriously pitched a 90210 reboot without The Forever Queen of 90210 that is Brenda Walsh. 90210 without Brenda Walsh is like broccoli without mayonnaise. It’s boring, bland, and nobody wants it. And like broccoli with mayonnaise, if you don’t like Brenda Walsh, you obviously have no taste and don’t know what you’re talking about!
But I guess FOX needed a tax write-off, because they bought the 90210 reboot that will be 100% Brenda-less.
Jennie Garth’s Divorce #3 Has Been Cancelled
When crime boss Tori Spelling announced that she was getting 90210‘s toughest street gang, The Peach Pit Vipers, back together, Jennie Garth must have told her assistant to immediately clear everything on her schedule. Somehow her third husband Dave Abrams also got cleared from her schedule, as the couple has been quietly slated for D-I-V-O-R-C-E (in Tammy Wynette drawl) since last Spring. However, those future 90210 bucks will continue to heft up their community property, as Dave has decided to yank his divorce petition.
Tori Spelling Confirms That Another “90210” Reboot Is Happening
At the end of last year, Tori Spelling became the best Santa Claus working the stroll when she blessed everyone with the gift of a possible Beverly Hills 90210 reboot featuring some of the original cast members. Unfortunately, Tori jumped the gun a bit when she started spending money she knew she didn’t have, probably thinking to herself “A bitch can use credit for now because I’m about to be rich again!” Keep spending baby, and have a quick shot of Andre from a plastic cup because the 90210 reboot is happening and soon you can make it rain once again!
“Beverly Hills, 90210” Is Maybe Making Another Comeback
Deadline is reporting that it’s once again time to feed a fed horse because there is yet another revival of a once-popular show coming back to television. But this is sort of a Groundhog Day of reboots because you’ve seen this rebooted once before.
Tori Spelling Says She Boned A “90210” Co-Star Other Than Brian Austin Green
Tori Spelling always finds new and creative ways to bring new meaning to the word “desperate,” but I give her credit, because she’s always hustling and will do whatever it takes to not have to hide her Audi from the repo man like Mischa Barton. Lifetime is going to air their future Emmy-winning unauthorized Beverly Hills, 90210 movie this Saturday night and afterward, they’re going to show us the latest thing that Tori did for a check. Tori got hooked up to a lie detector for the special Tori Spelling: Celebrity Lie Detector. I’m sure that special will be followed up with Tori Spelling: Celebrity Pap Smear and Tori Spelling: Celebrity Colonoscopy.
Tori was asked a series of questions about Beverly Hills, 90210 while hooked up to a lie detector machine and surprisingly, the lie detector machine didn’t explode as soon as she answered the first question. They must have forgotten to plug it in. Tori did an interview with host Louise Roe after the lie detector test and she burped up an unknown fact, because I guess she wanted a bonus from the producers. Tori admitted that she wet humped on two of her co-stars. She dated Brian Austin Green, so she obviously fucked him, but she claims she also got it on with someone else in the original cast. Tori ruled out Ian Ziering, so it was narrowed down to Luke Perry and Jason Priestley.
They don’t show us the answer in the clip, because they want you to watch to find out, obviously. But I don’t need to watch to know that this is a trick! It’s neither of them and I doubt it’s an original cast member too. It’s obviously Rocky the Dog. Or a strap-on wielding Gabrielle Carteris. No, definitely Rocky the Dog.