After reading that post title, be my guest and mirror every single “blank stare” GIF ever posted.

Liberal guilt junkie Mackelmore has put his normal wailings of “WHY ME? WHY AM I A WHITE RAPPER WHO HAS SO MUCH??? WHY DO THEY AWARD ME GRAMMYS WHILE BETTER RAPPERS GO HUNGRY?!?!” aside to promote his new record (sans Ryan Lewis) called Gemini. The album must be below par cuz’ he’s breaking out the weird stories to distract us. Weird stories like how he uses that painting of a nude Justin Bieber that he bought to delay his orgasms. Wouldn’t that mean he’s NEVER going to have an orgasm? Is this post actually about how Mackelmore is the chastest white rapper in the game?

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Kelly Ripa was on The Tonight Show and told a story about how her teen daughter called her and told her to take down an old picture she posted on Instagram. Kelly took it down, but then let a kid know who the real boss is by showing it on The Tonight Show. Kelly’s daughter probably fought the urge to curse her mom out with emojis and instead Googled the important question: “If I emancipate from my parents, will I still get my trust fund?” – Celebitchy

Three seconds after St. Angie Jolie dropped that ice cream spoon into the trash, minions from the Catholic Church fished it out, and it’s now hanging in one of the Vatican Museums – Lainey Gossip

And three seconds after that first picture was taken, the real Miss Extra, Mariah Carey, snatched that queen’s crown and sash – Towleroad

Since Camille Grammar’s got that Kelsey settlement money to protect, she better get the prenup of all prenups – Reality Tea

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Mr. Bones Puzzle Candy! 

Mr. Bones Puzzle Candy was so much more than just candy and it worked several parts of your body. It worked your brain, because it was a puzzle.  It worked holes into your teeth (read: cavities), because it was candy. It worked your nerves, because again, it was a puzzle and puzzles that have more than two pieces to them are hard. And it worked your calves, because you could use that coffin as a little clutch and stomp the grade school halls while carrying it.

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On Friday night, Casamigos tequila threw a 70s-themed Halloween party in L.A., and Amal Clooney, Rande Gerber and his wife Cindy Crawford fanned the flames of those swingers rumors by doing themselves up like a bunch of coked-up suburbanites going to a key party. Actually, Amal and Rande look like they’re about to drop their faces onto a pile of the white shit at their neighbor’s key party, while Cindy Crawford looks more like Joan Crawford on a cruise to Rio.

But the real surprise here is Rande Gerber. Like Casamigos tequila, Rande has never done anything for me, but seeing him looking like an oven-roasted off-brand Rob Lowe Ken Doll as a 70s porn mogul makes me feel like I just butt chugged a bottle of Spanish Fly.

Tom + Lorenzo says that surprisingly, Amal’s Studio 54 costume didn’t come out of a plastic bag fished from the clearance costume section at Party City. Amal’s “costume” is a sequined designer gown by Halpern. A sequined Halpern jumpsuit goes for around $2,600, so I’m guessing that Amal’s costume cost about that much. Cheap, I know! It’s a good thing that Amal didn’t spend any real money on her costume, because it probably got ruined when George Clooney showed up to the party and cried out greasy bits of his ego all over it after learning that Suburbicon was going to flop.

Pics: Wenn.com

When I woke up this morning to a tweet from Kathy Griffin saying, “If you have 17 minutes to spare, I have a hell of a story to tell,” I ran down to the nearest Big 5 Sporting Goods store to buy a life jacket and a kayak. Because I thought Kathy was going to spill more tea than the Boston Tea Party. But the tea she spilled could maaaaybe fill a Starbucks Tall cup. Okay, she claims that Andy Cohen is kind of a coke pusher, so her tea could fill a Grande.

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According to The Daily Beast, a former model from England named Natasha Prince has recently come forward accusing a then 31-year-old David Blaine of raping her at a private home in London a few months after she turned 21 in 2004. In 2003, David became famous after he suspended himself from a glass box over the River Thames in London for 44 days. Natasha Prince had booked a job in London in June of 2004, where she met David Blaine at a nightclub. They exchanged numbers. The next day, Natasha says David invited her over to a friend’s house for drinks. She agreed, and she took a car to a huge mansion.

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