A Woman Has Accused T.J. Miller Of Being Physically Abusive
Part-time asshole T.J. Miller has been accused by a woman known only as Sarah of sexually abusing and punching her in college. But if you ask T.J. Miller and his wife, none of it is true, and Sarah’s a scheming, jealous hater.
As 2017 Spews Fiery Smegma On Us Peasants, Taylor Swift Is Having The Best Year EVAH!
And yes, I should tell you in advance that this post was co-written by Bitter and Petty. (“Aren’t all your posts?” – you)
The Zombie Angelina Jolie Girl Lied About Getting Plastic Surgery To Look Like Her Idol
An Angelina Jolie-centric post seems to always get heated in the comments, but can’t we all agree that it must be disappointing to open your laptop one morning, check your Google Alerts, and find pics of an emaciated nightmare hell creature claiming to have had 50 surgeries to look like you? That’s not Christmas. Sahar Tabar, a 19-year-old from Iran, posted several pictures and videos (most of which have now been deleted) of herself looking like Dead Taylor Swift’s little sis. She claimed she went through dozens of plastic surgeries to look like her lord and savior Angie. Well, she lied, as reported by Sputnik (via The Sun). For those of you who believed those pics, I’m a member of the Royal Family in Nigeria with an urgent, private matter. I want to give you 100 million Euros. I’ll just need your Social Security number, 1000 blessings on your family, thank you. Continue reading
Open Post: Hosted By A Norwegian Footballer Doing Sex To A Trophy
This was me yesterday: What are sports?
This was me three seconds after watching the striptease busted out by a Norwegian footballer: I love Norwegian football!
The Telegraph says that on Sunday, a Norwegian football team called Lillestrøm beat another Norwegian football team called Sarpsborg and won the Norwegian cup. Lillestrøm’s defender Aleksander Melgalvis Andreassen decided to celebrate in a way that is extremely relevant to my interests.
Hot Sluts Of The Day!
The two gay Josephs!
Jesus was technically the original star of My Two Dads (his two dads being God and Joseph), but someone in Los Angeles took his story one step further and gay’d it up by putting a gaytivity scene on their lawn. Comedian Cameron Esposito tweeted a picture of the two Josephs and a Jesus that her neighbors decorated their front yard with for Christmas. Either this Jesus was truly a miracle, or their surrogate (Mary) is missing. Also missing is the Three Queens bringing gifts for Baby Jesus (an I Heart My Dads onesie, Celine Dion’s lullaby album and a set of Golden Girls plush dolls).
One of Cameron’s Twitter followers shared her own gaytivity scene starring two lesbian Marys and a Baby Jesus in a strapless rainbow dress thing.
https://twitter.com/Rogue_MrsLady/status/934584955107147776
Of course, some religious types, like the Roman Catholic Bishop of Providence, are throwing holy water at that sacrilegious sight and calling it an attack on the Christian faith! Yes, a harmless nativity scene is helping to destroy the Christian faith, but not protecting children who have been raped by priests isn’t. Okay, but you know, I too am concerned for that plastic Jesus, and not because he’s got two dads. I’m concerned because he’s got two parents who look like twins! That’s confusing. Those two Josephs are going to need to wear name tags. They’re the kind of couple who say, “Wha? Us? Naw!”, when you tell them that they’ve been together so long they are starting to look like each other.
Pic: @cameronesposito
Rashida Jones Didn’t Leave Pixar Because Of Sexual Harassment, But The Reason Is Not Much Better
Freddie Mercury must be cashing big royalty checks in Heaven right now, because every morning millions start humming “Another One Bites The Dust” as soon as we look at the news. Pixar’s chief creative officer John Lasseter announced yesterday that he was taking a 6-month leave of absence from Disney and Pixar in response to allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior (or “unwanted hugs,” as he claimed).
The Hollywood Reporter was quick to report that John had a long history of not-right touching and making comments about people’s appearance. They also reported that Rashida Jones and her writing partner Will McCormack quit their gig writing Toy Story 4 because John had made unwanted advances towards Rashida. In an effort to set the record straight, Rashida and Will have a fun good news/bad news scenario for you.