What in the name of Playtex is Rachel Bilson wearing? – Popoholic

Shenae Grimes hos it up in the aptly named Dirty Magazine – Egotastic!

Demi Moore’s all-natural kabuki mask face at The Joneses premiere – Lainey Gossip

Boobfail McGee denies being a Nazi. The Nazis just breathed a sigh of relief – The Superficial

The plastic spoon I’m chewing on (I’m easily entertained) looks more organic than Heidi Montag – Hollywood Tuna

The Hugh Jackman of birds! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Americans will have to wait to fap to Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor’s sex scenes – Towleroad

“Hefer” Elvis calls Mischa Barton fat – Celebitchy

Hopefully, Suri Cruise is mailing Stepford Katie’s resignation letter to Tommy Girl – Popsugar

If you’ve ever wanted to see Alfalfa from The Little Rascals movie all grown up and naked, it’s your lucky day (NSFW) – OMG Blog

Blair Waldorf is singular again – Just Jared

The Arrested Development movie is never going to happen – ICYDK

Spring has sprung all over RiRi – Hollywood Rag

Juliette Lewis speaks the crazy: “I feel so sad for the ridicule Tom Cruise got, and he’s such a gracious, caring human being.” – I’m Not Obsessed

Hollywood is just like college! Everyone fucks everyone – Cityrag

Peaches Geldof’s weave makes Brit Brit’s look like it’s ready for its close-up in a Salon Selectives commercial – Holy Moly!

78-year-old Dame Elizabeth Taylor is going to roll down the aisle for the 9th time! This is what some source tells UsWeekly anyway. The source says that Dame Liz is engaged to her 49-year-old longtime piece Jason Winters.

The source said hat Jason isn’t cut from the same gold digging cloth as Larry Fortensky. Jason is a talent manager who counts Janet Jackson as one of his clients. He recently bought a house for Liz.

Another source added, “It’s no secret that they’ve been together forever and are in love, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if they were engaged. Right now they are keeping it between them.”

Liz and Jason have neither confirmed or denied this shit.

Oldies can do whatever the hell they want. If she wants to marry for the fiftieth time so that she can bone like a newlywed, let her! Although, I’ll let Joel McHale remind Liz about what she said when Inside Edition asked her about marriage.

If Liz is getting married, the Three Wolf Moon better be her bridesmaids.

More specifically, would you let him eat it? This is a video tutorial of Dr. Steve Rooster showing the class how he licks the vagina on his Real Doll several times a day.

Obviously, I don’t know the first thing about the art of cunnilingus, but is the vagina supposed to grow fingers and fuck your mouth like that? Also, are you supposed to just let the snatch hang out there while you finger and lick your hand on the side? Does that make a vagina tingle?

That being said, I’d totally hit it. Well, he said “I love you” at the beginning. The dude is a total romantic.

via Buzzfeed

If you’re the pet of a crazed cat or dog person who treats you like a real-life human baby (examples: pushes you in a stroller, dresses you in baby clothes), then direct your hate barks or meows toward Spaghetti Cat, because he’s the one to blame for this ridiculousness right here!

Hammacher Schlemmer has put out a pet high chair/torture device for loontardian cat people who don’t like to eat their Easy Mac with canned tuna dinner by themselves.

And maybe I should order one too since I think I’m one of them. I mean, the first part of this post is an open letter to dogs and cats. Like they can read human words and operate a computer! Yeah, I better choose rush delivery.

via Jezebel

As if the pictures of the Jersey Shore whores filming in Miami aren’t homoerotic enough, here’s Ronnie looking like he’s biting through the ecstatic pain while getting his butt bone pounded by a friend. From the department of “Face down, ass up, broke down!” Yes, that Kiely Williams song is still overstaying its welcome in my head.

The truth is, Ronnie was getting a tattoo on his down low area while his castmates watched. I’m sure Ronnie got something totally macho and masculine like a tattoo of the phrase “FIST PUMPIN” on his ass cheek.

Fishsticks Paltrow is currently shooting a movie in Nashville, and that’s where she first tasted such foreign delicacies like ice cream sundaes and the curiously charming dish known as fried fucking chicken. Fishy wrote about her fascination with the foods of Nashville in her POOP newsletter. Isn’t it fun when the mistress of the manor comes down to the kitchen to eat with the maids and butlers?

In the newest Harper’s Bazaar, Fishy continues to talk about how she gorged on fried deliciousness and the sweet nectar in Nashville. Fishy added a little chunk to her gills due to eating so much common people food. She tells Bazaar, “I was so bad with the food and alcohol in Nashville. If you saw me naked [now] compared to what I looked like when I did Iron Man 2, when I was exercising every day – I’ll get it back together, but I’ve never eaten so much fried food and white flour in my life, ever.”

Fishy shouldn’t be so hard on herself. Seeing her fully nekkid ass nekkid would have the same effect on me with or without a little dough on her fins. Hell, I would even feel every kind of nausea if she was sprawled out naked on a bowl of crushed Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies. Or if she was completely naked except for Anderson Cooper’s penis on her head. Okay, I’m lying. I might feel a little twitch in the nip area if she posed with a Mah Boo penis hat on her head.

Since Fishy has been feasting on the food of the gods (aka fried carbs), she probably has been farting like a power bottom after a pass-around-orgy. And it doesn’t bother Fishy at all, because she says she’s happiest when her kid is telling fart jokes. She says, “When you’re having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you’re dying laughing because your 3-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn’t matter what else is going on. That’s real happiness.”

That it is. Although, her kid is probably just quoting something from GOOP, which is pretty much the equivalent of a fart.

Click here to read the rest of her interview, if you care. Fishy also says she feels sorry for all the paps who get calls from Brangelina first this in the morning to come and shoot their family pap attention Brangelina gets!