Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik went shopping together in NYC and I know I should be busy writing a 1,200 word post about that, but I’d just like to take this moment to give thanks to the lady on the left throwing a “Bitch, you still got that trailer park tweaker hair?” side-eye at him – Lainey Gossip 

Ashley Benson was told she was too fat for a role. Um, was Kunty Karl the director? – Celebitchy

Ronda Rousey’s painted ass is probably going to be in Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition – Drunken Stepfather

Brandi Glanville still hates Falkor Rimes, pretty much – Reality Tea 

And here’s Jason Statham’s hairy chichis (and Rosie Huntington-Whateverly is also in the pics if you care about that) – WWTDD

Marc Jacobs and his friends did the gasoline fight scene from Zoolander but without the gasoline and without the explosion – Towleroad

John Stamos knocked up a chick when he was in his 20s – Popsugar

This list is incomplete without a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper – The Berry 

How many bikinis does Katie Cassidy have?! – Popoholic

Presented without sarcasm: JLo looks hot here – Hollywood Tuna 

Taylor Swift wishes her eyebrow game was as magnificent as that grandma’s – HuffPo

Fall Out Boy paid tribute to ‘N Sync’s video for “It’s Gonna Be Me” – Jezebel

I can’t wait to see Taylor Swift twirling around in a Native American headdress and jean panties while Calvin Harris plays at Coochella – OMG Blog

Girls is ending after season 6, so sadly, you probably won’t get to see that many more scenes where Allison Williams gets her ass eaten and Lena Dunham gets peed on in the shower – Just Jared

Pic: Splash

Celebrity Big Brother UK started tonight and the producers really lived up to their show’s name by shoving the house full of a whole lot of A-list celebrity star power. The list of houseguests reads like the list of presenters at the Oscars. This year’s group of fame whore wrecks who will entertain us for a quick check includes a bunch of British celebrity types I’ve never heard of, Gemma Collins, David Bowie’s ex-wife Angie Bowie, rubber leech Johnathon Cheban (who somehow managed to surgically remove his tongue from Kim Kartrashian’s anus), David Gest (the hunk of plastic hotness who wooed Liza Minnelli) and NEW YORK! See what I mean? This awards season is going to be drier than a scarecrow’s asshole, because all of the real stars are in the CBB house!

But back to my headline question: Is The Celebrity Big Brother House Strong Enough To Contain The Natural Beauty Of David Gest AND New York?

Take a look at David Gest looking like a googly-eyed goldfish in a badly made Harald Gloocker mask. Now take a look at New York looking like a Dollar Tree Chaka Khan doll that was left in the dryer too long.

The answer is obviously: NO! Celebrity Big Brother UK is going to be canceled tomorrow morning after the roof and walls of the house collapse while trying to hold in the explosive natural beauty of David Gest and New York!

Pics: Wenn.com

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry’s custody battle royale is done (for now, I think). So is Kelly Rutherford’s (for now). And Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s custody bitch fight seems to be playing out in Instagram. So somebody has to bring the messy custody drama and Bristol Palin and her ex-man Dakota Meyer may be the ones to do it. I just hope that his leads to video footage of Sarah Palin being dragged out of a court room by bailiffs after trying to attack Dakota with one of her American flag hooker heels.

Abstinence icon Bristol Palin gave birth to her latest baby, a girl she named Sailor Grace, on December 23rd. She has never said who knocked her up this time. TMZ says that Dakota Meyer, the Medal of Honor-winning Marine she dumped right before their wedding day, has filed papers claiming that he’s the dude who busted a raw load up into Bristol’s abstinent cooch. Dakota went to court because he wants joint and physical custody of Baby Sailor. Dakota also wants child support.

Bristol Palin’s child support fight against Levi Johnston (remember him?) wrapped up in October and now she may have to get into a whole new battle. What’s funny to me is that Dakota wants to share custody and also wants a monthly check from Bristol. If Dakota really needs money, he should take a tip from Levi Johnston and get paid by baring his nalgas in Playgirl. That’s what responsible fathers do. That’s if Dakota Meyer is even the father… Tin foil trucker hats on!

This blog (via ONTD) used Bristol Palin’s Instagram posts and other information to push the theory that she gave birth to her daughter in November, not December. They don’t think that Dakota Meyer is the father. They think that Bristol and her exotic model friend picked up two guys in Las Vegas one night and she got pregnant by one of them. Bristol has already spit on that theory. But if she didn’t, she could’ve used that in court against Dakota. “Your honor, Dakota shouldn’t get joint custody and he shouldn’t get money, because he’s not the father. Some stranger trick who raw dogged me during a drunken night in Las Vegas is the father. And yes, God has already forgiven me for that.”

Pic: Instagram

If an Adele song was transformed into an animal video starring a raccoon, it would look just like this tragic video.

A raccoon got a piece of fluffy sugar goodness in his paws and all he wanted to do was wet it, but as soon as he did that, all of his dreams and hopes for the future dissolved in a puddle. We’ve all been there a million times, right? At least this raccoon learned a very important, if not thee most important, lesson in life: Don’t ever fucking wash cotton candy! But fuck that cotton candy and its empty sugared promises. This raccoon should hook-up with that donut-thieving raccoon and steal himself some fried deliciousness. A donut would never do him wrong like this.

via NY Mag

Last year, we all expected the sky to open up and for heaven to swallow us whole after Kristen Stewart became the first American actress to win a César award (aka the French Oscar) for Clouds of Sils Maria. KStew wasn’t nominated for a Golden Globe or a SAG or anything but she’s been picking up a few critics awards for what she did in that Clouds movie. So far the Boston Society of Film Critics, the Florida Film Critics Circle (Florida! Of course) and the National Society of Film Critics have all given her an award for Best Supporting Actress. And last night, she accepted a Best Supporting Actress award from the New York Film Critics. While wearing a two-piece outfit made of goth dining room curtains and a black pee-resistant mattress pad, KStew joked about how it was nice to win an award that’s not a painted tub of popcorn.  via Showbiz411

Stewart gave a laid back and short speech but seemed genuinely moved by the nod from the New York Film Critics. “I’ve received a lot of Popcorns, MTV Popcorn awards,” she said, but this meant something more for a film she described as “thoughtful and quiet,” adding, “It came out a year ago, so this is nuts.”

KStew hasn’t exactly reached Leonardo DiCaprio levels of Oscar campaigning, but The Hollywood Reporter says that she’s hustling a little. Well, bitch needs to hustle harder if she wants to be in the game. She needs to tell reporters that she really suffered while making that movie. She only blinked 30 times a take instead of 70 and she only kept her mouth open 85% of the time. She suffered hard!

The idea of Juliette Binoche as a glamorous movie star on a train spoke to me, so I watched Clouds of Sils Maria a while ago. If you compared KStew’s performance in that to the impersonation of a taxidermied ferret she did in the Twatlight movies, then yeah, she was better. But I don’t know why people are throwing awards and nominations at her. If anyone in that movie deserves nominations it’s Juliette Binoche. Or even Chloe Grace Moretz. Shit, even the actual clouds of Sils Maria deserve a nomination over KStew. With that being said, I hope Kristen Stewart is nominated for an Oscar and I hope she wins. Because I just love participating in a good old-fashioned messy meltdown.

Pics: Wenn.com

Multi-multi millionaire movie director and tall drink of douche water Michael Bay owns a waterfront house in Miami, a Gulfstream G550 jet, a Bel Air Mansion and he claims his net worth is half a B (that’s $500 million in douche speak). But one day, he plans to show up Mark Zuckerberg by giving ALL of his money to charity. The only straight dude to buy from the International Male catalog (probably) did an interview with Rolling Stone to promote his new movie about Benghazi (I can’t) and he was asked about how much money he has. Many rich bitches would spit out an answer like, “I don’t know,” or “Talking about money is vulgar, darling,” but not Michael Bay.

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