Tall piece of Irish hotness Liam Neeson did an interview with The Irish Independent to promote a TV documentary he narrates and the subject of whose sugar walls are getting mashed by his long banger came up. It’s been 6 years since Liam Neeson lost his wife Natasha Richardson and he understandably says that it’s still a really sore subject and the grief will always be there. But Liam got happier while talking about Valentine’s Day and his new piece. No, the interviewer didn’t ask Liam about Valentine’s Day right after talking about him losing his wife. They had tact and talked about other stuff in between. I think.

But anyway, Liam was asked about his Valentine’s Day plans and also asked if he’s regularly blowing out the same coochie with his Irish ham sub sandwich peen. Liam said that he’s dating an incredibly famous woman.

“I’ll send out a few bunches of flowers to various people and I usually just say ‘from an Irish admirer’.” Is he involved with anyone? “Yes, but I’d embarrass her if I said her name, she’s incredibly famous. I’ll have to do my best for her. It’s amazing how far a simple bunch of freshly picked flowers will go in a lady’s life, I find.”

There’s not many people I’d call “incredibly famous,” so that easily narrows it down to these 10 women who are more famous than famous.

Betty White
Joan Collins
The Snapple Lady
Shauna Sand
Charo
Angelyne
Grace Jones
Bai Ling
La Toya Jackson
The Roses Lady of West Hollywood

But seriously, there is an easy way to figure out who Liam Neeson’s incredibly famous girlfriend is. All we have to do is keep our eyes open for a famous lady who walks bow-legged, has to constantly hold onto her crotch to keep her vagina from falling out and has a hunchback because a big Irish dick broke her spine. I mean, we all have that GIF of Liam’s swinging crotch vine saved onto our desktops forever. Since it is a NSFW classic and never gets old I’ve thrown it up after the cut.

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Well, that’s one way to clap back at a person who has been dragging you on Twitter. TMZ says that Ciara (real name: Ciara Princess Harris) has gone ahead and filed a $15 million lawsuit against her former fiance/current baby daddy Future (real name: Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn) for slander after he accused her of being a shit mother to their 1-year-old son Future Zahir. Somewhere in a pile of socks and burger wrappers, Blac Chyna sat up and thought “Hmmm…that’s a pretty good idea.”

It all started back in July after Future saw a picture of Ciara’s celibate boyfriend Russell Wilson pushing Future Jr. around in a stroller, and started cussing out Ciara on a radio show for involving their son in “publicity stunts.” Future also took to hissing at Ciara on Twitter, like accusing her of taking $15,000 a month in child support while making him go though lawyers to see their son. Ciara is finally responding to Future, and she’s doing it by coming for a lot more than $15,000 a month.

According to the details of the lawsuit, Ciara swatted back at Future’s accusations that she’s keeping their son from him by saying that she goes out of her way to make sure Future Jr. sees his daddy. Ciara claims that they’ve had at least 19 visitations since December 2014, one of which happened as recent as last week. She’s also accusing Future of starting shit as a way to promote his music.

Ciara’s lawsuit says that she wants all the nasty words Future wrote about her erased from Twitter and wants him blocked from saying anything else about her. She’s also looking for Future to stuff $15 million into her bank account. And just like that, the price of EVOL was marked up to $89.99 on iTunes and now includes a bonus track called “Please Please Please Buy This Album (I Need The Money).”

If your name is Future, this would be where you might want to look away (unless you want to make some new tweets that will probably be used against you in court of law). Here’s Ciara and Future Jr. cruising through LAX with Russell Wilson yesterday.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

The world nearly turned inside/out with shock over the weekend when The Sun posted pictures of a 15-year-old rich kid of famous parents smoking the good shit with his friends at a skate park in London. I joked that the Dark Priestess of the Illuminati probably set that ESCANDALOSO paparazzi moment up to show the world that Guy Ritchie lets their son Rocco Ritchie do whatever the hell he wants. Well, TMZ says that Madonna is afraid that Rocco is spending his days getting stoned and living without any rules, so she’s hired a private investigator to follow him around. Um, I don’t know if Madge hired the right private investigator, because what in the hell kind of private investigator gets found out by TMZ? Detective La Toya would never.

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And I bet that’s how it happens, too. Some random guy approaches you outside of a club, grabs your arm and whispers: “Sir, I regret to inform you that E! has decided to terminate your relationship. Please take this waist trainer and set of gently-used butt pads as our way of saying thanks. Now shoo.”

I guess Khloe Kardashian got tired of that polygamist life, because UsWeekly is saying she went ahead and kalled it kwits with her sort-of side piece of seven months, Houston Rockets shooting guard James Harden. And of course I say sort-of, because as we all know, KoKo is technically still married to Lamar Odom (but more on that later). According to a source, Khloe gave James his walking papers “weeks ago“, which means this marks the first time in history that a Kardashian waited longer than 0.3 seconds before mining their personal life for attention.

But don’t worry – Khloe isn’t wasting any Botoxed tears on James. According to a post written by some poor intern for Khloe’s pay-per-view website (via the Daily Mail), Khloe is looking for love on OkCupid. If you’re single and ready to sell your soul to Kris Jenner, Khloe goes by “khloewithak“. Khloe likes long walks from her car in front of the paps, cuddling up by the fires of Hell while renegotiating her contract with Satan, and jet-setting off to countries with lax butt injection laws. Khloe says she made an OkCupid profile for fun (and probably a check) and adds that she’s never done online dating before.

One thing she forgot to mention is that any potential suitors should probably be cool with Khloe ditching them to hang out with her husband. Like she did on Super Bowl Sunday. TMZ says Lamar has made a ton of progress since he was found unconscious at a Nevada brothel back in October. Lamar reportedly went hiking on Sunday with Khloe and Kim Kardashian, and his goal is to run again. His improvement also includes processing thoughts and carrying on a conversation. So basically, his brain function has surpassed that of Khloe and Kim’s.

Here’s an on-the-prowl Khloe looking like a suburban cougar hairstylist named Barb (that’s a compliment) at the club with French Montana last night. Shit, Khloe’s really recycling all her past dicks this week.

Pics: Splash

Sometimes you want to go..Where everybody knows your name…and they’re always glad you came! – Not_The_One_

Upvote winners (it’s a tie!):

Aww, we finally got a Dlisted get-together! – Zorba

The world needs more reserved cunts. – BaconSlut

Pic: Tosh.0

The Star Wars dildos that Target claims aren’t really supposed to be dildos. 

Before Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, Disney’s marketing team must’ve taken a crash course in next level whoring from Pimp Mama Kris at the Learning Annex, because they put those Star Wars bitches on absolutely everything. There were Star Wars oranges. There was Star Wars makeup. And Disney even went all the way to the dark side with Star Wars CROCS! At one point, I think even my shits were shaped like Yoda’s head. Disney is that good. So it wouldn’t be surprising if they really made sure that Star Wars was everywhere including your genitals.

A woman in Indiana was shopping at Target the other day when she came across (pun not intended) what looked like Star Wars dildos. Star Whores: Your Holes Awaken. They’re supposed to be Star Wars pool toys. Uh huh, more like poon toys. She joked about it on Facebook, her post was picked up by a bunch of sites and Target had to release a statement telling everyone that their merchandising people are looking at it:

Occasionally, we carry merchandise that some guests may find objectionable, as was your experience. We never want to offend anyone and have shared this with our Merchandise team for review.

And just like that, thousands of coochies and b-holes applied to be a part of Target’s merchandising team. But really, this is some Star Wars merchandise I can finally get behind (that pun was intended). I’d rather Disney put out a light saber dildo, but I’ll gladly take a Stormtrooper dick. And that Adam Driver one (I don’t know his character name and don’t make me Goole it) even comes hooded for extra pleasure:

May the force be in you!

Pics: Disney, Pajiba