The Cumberbunny! (That sounds like some kind of sex act Hugh Hufner makes his blonde bunnies get into and I don’t want to know anything more.)

Something tells me that Monistat sales may be up for the next few months, because many a yeast infections will be born thanks to the Cumberbitches getting into some special alone time with that horrifying chocolate nightmare above.

The Chocolatian saw the Benedict Cumberbatch life-size chocolate statue and raised it a terrifying Benedict Cumberbatch chocolate bunny. This chocolate terror was created by Jen Lindsey-Clark, a chocolatier from the town of Brighton in England. My guess was that the idea for a chocolate bunny version of The Alien Lizard King came to her brain after she dropped a whole lot of acid while watching Sherlock one day. But she tells HuffPo UK that she created it, because she’s sort of a Cumberbitch:

“Everyone loves a bit of the Batch! He’s an interesting character. He’s a great actor and English gent and he’s also making the most of his celebrity status by being able to put his political views across and making the most of his moment in a very cool way.”

It costs £50. So yeah, you have to pay a lot to bring that kind of chocolate bunny alien evilness into your home and mouth. With that being said, I’d still put that thing in my mouth. I’d be scared as fuck while doing, but I still would.

Pic: The Chocolatian (Thanks to everyone who sent this in)

Matt Lucas (42)
Jake Lloyd (27)
Kimberly McCullough (38)
Papoose (38)
Niki Taylor (41)
Jolene Blalock (41)
Kevin Connolly (42)
Eva Mendes (42)
John Frusciante (46)
Paul Blackthorne (47)
Joel Osteen (53)
Charlie and Craig Reid aka The Proclaimers (54)
Adriana Barraza (60)
Penn Jillette (61)
Marsha Warfield (62)
Eddy Grant (68)
Elaine Paige (68)
Murray Head (70)
Dean Stockwell (80)

Pic: Getty

Are you a high-priced hillbilly hooker who has been looking for a pair of stunningly elegant fuck-me denim boot chaps to wear on the job? Well, your dream has come true thanks to RiRi’s new mega classy shoe line! But seriously, only two people are going to buy those boots: Miley Cyrus and Prince – Lainey Gossip 

Speaking of Jehovah’s Most Pucker-Inducing Witness… – Mashable

Nina Simone’s daughter doesn’t hate Zoe Saldana for playing her mom, but she still wishes that biopic will be flushed down the toilet where it belongs – Celebitchy

In other words, hooking up with Scott Isadick sounds about as fun and entertaining as watching an episode of Krapping Up The Kartrashians while sober – The Superficial 

What in “if Judy Jetson was Madonna’s back-up singer in the 90s” HELL is Emma Roberts wearing? – Drunken Stepfather

Andy Cohen’s parents are cute, but they’re no Golden Sisters – Towleroad

Kenya Moore’s Moore Manor (“More like WHORE Manor,” said Phaedra) is done while Chateau SheBroke is still a work in progress – Reality Tea 

Allow me to slow clap for Bella Thorne for giving us lot lizard eleganza – Hollywood Tuna 

And now, allow me to dry heave over Matt Bellamy and his piece wearing matching outfits at a fashion show – Popoholic

Bernadette Peters is on that Tom Brady diet, and I’m on the same diet her Dove bar-eating friend is on – The Cut 

How in the hell did The Berry get a hold of all of the private shirtless selfies my ex-boyfriends (in my head) texted me in the past? – The Berry 

Note to O.J. Simpson: Phoebe Price has got your number, hussy! – Instagram

I thought Goopy Paltrow’s dude was that Jonathan Cheban douche for a minute – Popsugar

This is what Nicholas Hoult’s ass cheeks look like, in case you didn’t know – OMG Blog

The Hoff is doing the Baywatch movie – SOW

Behold, the second coming of Anna Nicole Smith vs. J. Howard Marshall’s estate – The Hollywood Reporter

Pic: Vogue UK

It’s been two months since the Cuyler family’s long-lost human cousin Miley Cyrus hitched her coochie back up to Liam Hemsworth’s trouser pony. And in the time since, she’s gone harder than a meth head with a handful of Sudafed BOGO coupons to prove that she’s 100% committed to this whole back-with-her-ex thing. She bought the house next door to his. She’s been wearing her old engagement ring. Now a source tells UsWeekly that she’s doing everything in her power to convince him that she’s totally a Stepford Wifey now.

“She has been cooking and cleaning for Liam, waiting on him hand and foot. She wants to make sure she keeps him.”

Though Cyrus’ wild antics drove the pair apart in September 2013, she’s eager to show the Hunger Games star how she’s matured, going as far as ditching her party-loving entourage. “She either doesn’t answer their calls or says she’s not going out. Liam never liked that she got crazy, so Miley’s making big changes. She doesn’t want to screw it up.”

Poor Wayne Coyne. Who will he get random mid-life crisis tattoos with now?

I just pictured a forlorn Miley slowly walking to the end of her driveway with a box of inflatable unicorn dildos, a bag of unopened body slime, and her collection of weed leaf nipple pasties, setting it on the curb, then taking out a pasty and wiping a single tear from her eye. And now I’m sad.

You know, I’m not totally convinced that Miley has reformed her penis-wearing nipple-flashing horny stoner chipmunk ways. I wanna see the receipts. Show me a video of Miley cleaning the kitchen without humping the stove or pouring dirty mop water onto her bare nipples or pretending the handle of a Swiffer Sweeper is a super-long plastic dick. Only then will I believe it.

Pic: Splash

Whole Paycheck is at it again. They’ve been in trouble for regularly overcharging and for selling $6 artisanal “asparagus water“ (which was just 3 pieces of asparagus in a thing of water), and now they’re getting shit on by Twitter and beyond for selling already-peeled oranges in plastic containers. The savior to the environment, Leonardo DiCatchAHo, is totally writing them a really mean letter on the back of one of his skinny blonde model pieces while chilling on a yacht.

The picture above was taken and posted on Twitter by Whole Foods shopper Nathalie Gordon and she added the note: “If only nature would find a way to cover these oranges so we didn’t need to waste so much plastic on them.”

Nathalie’s tweet was re-tweeted tens of thousands of times and it eventually got back to Whole Foods. Whole Foods made a bunch of lazy richies cry over the thought of doing hard labor by peeling oranges themselves when announced that they yanked that shit off of shelves. They also released this statement:

“A lot of our customers love the convenience of our cut produce offerings, but this was a simple case where a handful of stores experimented with a seasonal product spotlight that wasn’t fully thought through. We’re glad some customers pointed it out so we could take a closer look.”

I have a feeling that Whole Foods just lost a major customer. Whenever Goopy Paltrow gets a craving for an orange, she makes her maid peel one for her while wearing $45 disposable organic gloves that were made from the oldest rubber tree in Malaysia. But whenever her maid calls in sick and she gets an orange craving, she just went to Whole Foods and bought one of their pre-peeled oranges. Now what is she going to do?! She can’t possibly peel it herself. Why doesn’t anybody ever think about the needs of Goopy?!!!

Pic: @awlilnatty

I know what I’m doing this weekend. I’m going to go to every church in my area to slip an extremely important addendum into every Holy Bible in every pew. And that extremely important addendum is: Frontiers Magazine’s Oral History of The Golden Girls.

Frontiers Magazine got some of the writers and producers from the greatest show of all-time, The Golden Girls, to share pieces of priceless gems about the show and its stars. What I learned from it is that Estelle Getty adored the gay community and Rue McClanahan once got cat-called by construction workers and she loved it. But as Jezebel points out, the best story is about how Bea Arthur was never the one. Nowadays, famous whores have it oh-so-easy. If a hating hater hates on them, they can easily slap that trick in 140 characters or less on Twitter. Back in The Golden Girls days, famous types had to do a little work to shut a ho down.

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