For those of you who have neighbors who have tacky taste in lawn decorations, thank your lucky stars you don’t live next to Dr. Newton Howard. About two years ago, brain scientist and 80s robot enthusiast Dr. Howard decided to pay homage to the Transformers and piss off his neighbors by putting two life-size sculptures of Transformers Optimus Prime and Bumblebee outside of his house. The battle between good (Dr. Howard’s robots) and evil (good taste and the D.C. public space committee) has raged on. The war has blown up to the point that the REAL Optimus Prime and Bumblebee have gotten involved.

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As expected, the Garth Brooks of pop Taylor Swift released her 846th version of her seventh-month-old album Midnights (okay, it was her fifth version… and counting). Initially, it was sold EXCLUSIVELY in CD form at her Eras show in New Jersey last night. But she later released the version, The Late Night Edition, in digital format in her webstore. That edition features a new song called You’re Losing Me, where she sings, “I wouldn’t marry me either/A pathological people pleaser/ Who only wanted you to see her.”  So basically, everyone’s thinking that Taylor and Joe Alwyn broke up after six years together because he didn’t want to marry her. And to Swifties, those lyrics are a battle cry, and they’re pulling out their weapons (aka emojis) as they get ready to ATTACK!

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If you were hoping to have Senator Oprah as your local representative, you’ll have to keep praying to God (aka Oprah) to make that wish come true. Oprah Winfrey isn’t joining Congress and saving the country from disaster as it was speculated. California Senator Dianne Feinstein is set to turn 90 this year and people are saying that maaaaaaaaaaaybe she should retire. Well, come hell or hospitalization, Dianne plans to stick around so Oprah won’t be moving in anytime soon even if she wanted to!

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61-year-old Phillip Schofield co-hosted the ITV daily talk show This Morning in the UK for over 20 years until he left the show last week. It was reported that Phillip’s exit had to do with him not getting along with co-host Holly Willoughby and there were rumors that he was pushed out the door over an affair he had with a younger employee. Well, the trick has come clean! Phillip admitted in a statement to The Daily Mail that he had “a consensual on-off relationship with a younger male colleague at This Morning” when he was still married to his wife (they separated in 2020, the same year he came out as gay). It gets worse. Phillip went on to say, “I met the man when he was a teenager and was asked to help him to get into television.” That doesn’t sound creepy at all. Phillip calls the affair “unwise but not illegal.” Because of this, Phillip has been dropped by his agents and will not work with ITV anytime soon. How do you say escándalo with a British accent? (EscándalOI?) And somewhere, ex-Good Morning America hosts Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes are saying, “And you thought we were a mess?!!?” – Pajiba

Rage poet Noel Gallagher dragged Taylor Swift’s current boyfriend and called him a “fucking slack-jawed fuckwit.” No lies told there, but then again, I’m pretty sure Noel Gallagher thinks everyone is a fucking slack-jawed fuckwit – Celebitchy

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