Despite the fact that Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert have been over for almost a whole year and they’re both currently in relationships (some real, some possibly less real) with other people, they recently got together to exchange some keys and money. That sounds like the set up for a porno about a prostitute who works out of a valet stand, but that’s not what this is. People says that Miranda recently put the Oklahoma location of her boutique, The Pink Pistol, up for sale and it was bought by none other than her ex-husband.

Miranda opened The Pink Pistol, which isn’t a sex toy store (I checked), back in 2012 in Tishomingo, Oklahoma, where she and Blake lived. A year later, she decided to open another Pink Pistol store in Texas. Recently she decided to focus entirely on the Texas store, and she put the Oklahoma store up for sale. Blake, who still lives in Tishomingo, tells Entertainment Tonight:

“As a resident of Tishomingo I’m very sorry that the Pink Pistol has decided to move its operations out of the area. We all, as a community, appreciate everything it has done for our town. As for the actual properties left behind…I was offered the opportunity to buy them, and I have a plan brewing.”

When asked about why she was closing the Pink Pistol location in Oklahoma, Miranda explained that she wanted to “close a chapter” in her life and go back home to Texas. Basically, she don’t want to run into Blake on the main street no more.

As for what Blake “has brewing“, he hinted at his plans on Twitter. Sadly, it sounds like he isn’t planning on opening a footwear store with Gwen Stefani called Boots n’ Creepers Couple’s Shoe-tique.

No sir. PP left town. I bought the building it used to be in though!!! And yes something is brewing… https://t.co/zK8Iw7spgX

— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) May 26, 2016

Hmmmm, I wonder what Blake has planned? Gosh, I wish he’d stop beering so vague. All jokes aside, I hope that Blake pays homage to his love of beer and names his brewery The Wet Mailbox.

Pic: Wenn.com

A little more than a month after being released early from jail for good behavior, Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell, is back in again. The fuck-up is truly strong with this one. Page Six says that Screech was arrested in Wisconsin on Wednesday after violating the terms of his parole.

An official wouldn’t say how he violated the terms. Maybe he showed the terms a clip of his sex tape? But they did confirm that he was in custody due to a probation whoopsie. Screech was put away for pulling a switchblade on a guy in a bar and stabbing him, so the obvious guess would be that his probation officer caught within 100 feet of a bar or a switchblade or the guy or something. However, sources tells TMZ that Screech’s arrest is drug related. Goddamn it, Screech, didn’t you learn anything from that PSA you made with Brandon Tartikoff? There’s no hope with dope!

I know that Dustin Diamond is like a moth to a forever fucking up flame, but damn if he didn’t go back to jail sooner than I expected. It’s barely been six weeks. Not to mention that only last week he was on Extra telling Mario Lopez that he wanted to put the “tomfoolery and malarkey” behind him and focus on starting a family. Maybe he missed jail too much and wanted to go back. But why? Who misses being in jail? Were Screech and his fellow inmates keeping themselves entertained by acting out old episodes of Saved by the Bell, and his early release fucked up the production schedule? “Look, I need to get back inside. They’re doing the fake IDs episode next week, and I’m the only one who knows the blocking for the scene at The Attic!”

Pic: Ozaukee County Sheriff’s Office

Sleep Number Dead. – Bananafana

Upvote winner:

Bed, Bath & Beyond Stupid – Neely O’Harridan

Pic: Tosh.0

Squand!

Squand sounds like the original name for Squidward on SpongeBob Squarepants, but executives at Nickelodeon made them change the name, because to them it sounded like a vagina infection a chick gets from fucking on the beach or like the name of a homemade drug made from squirrel piss and Band-Aid glue. But Squand is actually a craft-toy-thing that was born sometime in the early-to-mid 90s and is still around.

By the 90s, many of the ideas for fucked up toys were already thought up and produced, but someone squeezed out another. Squand is sand that becomes sculptable clay in water. You can make your own Atlantis with it. It’s supposed to magically turn back into sand when you pull it out of the water, but it was mostly just a clump of messiness. Most people don’t just have an empty aquarium (or as my gourmet idol Sandra Lee calls it, “uh-kwar-ee-um.”) lying around, so most kids probably played with this crap in the bathtub. Cleaning that up must’ve been loads of fun for parents.

That bootleg Bill Nye and that Pugsley kid act like they snorted Squand instead of played with it. Hmmm… I guess there’s a good use for Squand after all.

Helena Bonham Carter (50)
Brandy Cyrus (29)
Scott Disick (33)
Henry Holland (33)
Ashley Massaro (37)
Jaheim (38)
Lauryn Hill (41)
Selenis Leyva (44)
Matt Stone (45)
Kylie Ireland (46)
Lenny Kravitz (52)
Genie Francis (54)
Bobcat Goldthwait (54)
Tarsem Singh (55)
Doug Hutchison (56)
Margaret Colin (58)
Marian Gold of Alphaville (62)
Pam Grier (67)
Philip Michael Thomas (67)
Hank Williams, Jr. (67)
Stevie Nicks (68)

Pic: British Vogue

Anne Hathaway and James Corden got into a rap battle on his show. After watching it, I’m surprised that every major rapper didn’t immediately post their resignation letter from the game on Instagram before going to the nearest Starbucks to ask if they’re hiring. Because Anne brings it that hard – Lainey Gossip 

Sharon Osbourne thought Kelly Osbourne tweeting out her daddy’s side piece’s phone number was hilarious! Of course she did. I’m sure she was there when Kelly did it and afterward they toilet papered and egged that hussy whore’s house! – Celebitchy

Theresa Giudice’s bankruptcy case has been re-opened, but she’s not about to book another jail house photo shoot with InTouch, because she’s not in any trouble this time – Reality Tea 

RiRi’s new sunglasses for Dior look like Blue Blockers for rich space robots – Drunken Stepfather

Looking at Chloe Grace Moretz’s camel toe is something I did today – The Superficial

The hookers of Rosarito Beach, Mexico better stock up on PrEP and lots of condoms, because Charlie Sheen is apparently moving there – WWTDD

Brad Paisley yodeled about North Carolina’s transgender bathroom law – Towleroad

Carmen Electra looks hot and I’m not going to ruin my compliment by saying that her thirsty weave needs some Gatorade – Hollywood Tuna

Hot Topic’s Alice Through The Looking Glass clothing line looks exactly the way you’d think it looks – Pajiba

Leslie Jones worked as a Scientology telemarketer for a bit. There’s a part of me that wishes she would’ve joined those crazies and became Tom Cruise’s contract wife, because I know she’d bring them down from the inside! – Jezebel

Gigi Hadid walked and touched her hat at the same time. What did YOU do today? – Popoholic

Gwen Stefani probably would’ve looked better with just tinted moisturizer and Chapstick – OMG Blog

Blake Shelton ate sushi for the first time. Too easy – SOW

Who cares about Duchess Kate? Tell me more about that hot sailing dude – Popsugar

That chick that one sports announcer creamed over had a baby – IDLYITW

Not Just Another Caucasian Male, an upcoming Paul Walker biography by Michelle Rodriguez – HuffPo

Jennifer Aniston’s mother has died – Just Jared