Kevin Hart Got Married
Diminutive comedy superstar Kevin Hart, 37, married his longtime lady person Eniko Parrish, 31, somewhere (a private tarmac?) near Santa Barbara, CA this weekend. They had a Ferris Wheel and a merry-go-round! And they avoided a tacky “Royal Wedding” theme. No one got pissed on or shoved into a pool. Their wedding wins.
Ryan Lochte Was Held At Gunpoint Last Night, According To His Mom (UPDATE)
Olympic medalist and swimfrat dude brah Ryan Lochte was held up in Rio last night, according to his mom. Ileana Lochte, long known for keeping it 100 with the media when it comes to her dullard, told USA Today that her son and an unnamed teammate found themselves looking down the barrel of a gun. Not a “JEAH!”
Justin Bieber Told His Fans Off And Now #RIPBeliebers Is Trending On Twitter
If only there were a Belieber version of Nutty Madame to hop on her webcam and violently freak out at everyone for turning on poor Justin Bieber. Canada’s Least Wanted got pissed that his crazed fans aren’t loving his new chick, Lionel Richie’s 17-year-old daughter Sofia Richie, and demanded that they lay off her. In response, someone created the hashtag #RIPBeliebers on Twitter. It looks to be the end of a very silly era. Every #OneDirectioner just got their popcorn out of the microwave and settled in on the couch to delightedly watch the show.
Hot Sluts Of The Day!
Dweebs!
While shoving a bunch of Nerds in my mouth the other day (this is me typing, I sadly don’t meant that in a sexy way), I thought about the Nerds’ fatter, softer and sweeter cousins Dweebs!
The Willy Wonka Candy Company put out Nerds in the early 80s, and since us children rolled up Monopoly money and snorted up Nerds by the line-fuls back then, they expanded that shit in many ways including making their cousins, Dweebs. Dweebs looked like the giant butt pimples on a rainbow, and they were softer and a little bit sweeter than their more famous cousins.
Dweebs came out in the very early-90s and it blew the minds of young children because its box had three compartments instead of two like Nerds. We didn’t even know that was possible! Three compartments! It was like the 8th World Wonder. But Dweebs’ advancement in candy box engineering and their BBC (big, beautiful candy) bodies weren’t enough to keep them around. Dweebs were buried in the candy cemetery before the 90s ended.
So sadly, our mouths no longer get to taste and feel the sensation of a bigger, softer Nerd…unless you crush up a Nerd into dust and sprinkle that dust on a giant butt pimple before eating it. RIP Dweebs, you were gone too soon.
Pic: Smosh
Birthday Sluts
Halle Berry (50)
Tim Tebow (29)
Nick Grimshaw (32)
Princess Love (32)
Mila Kunis (33)
Spencer Pratt (33)
Ana Matronic (42)
Christopher Gorham (42)
Jay Manuel (44)
Preston Lacy (47)
Jennifer Flavin (48)
Catherine Bell (48)
Adrian Lester (48)
Lady Bunny (54)
Susan Olsen (55)
Sarah Brightman (56)
Marcia Gay Harden (57)
Magic Johnson (57)
Jackée Harry (60)
Carl Lumbly (65)
Danielle Steel (69)
Antonio Fargas (70)
Susan Saint James (70)
Steve Martin (71)
Wim Wenders (71)
David Crosby (75)
Pic: Getty
Open Post: Hosted By The Michael Phelps Mean Mug Tattoo
I actually don’t hate it. I think that’s the sexiest Michael Phelps has ever looked. Yes, it’s like irritated Shrek and irritated Stitch had an angry baby but animated rage babies are so big right now.