This mess was already situated firmly in the “complicated“ column on the spreadsheet that is Rudy Huxtable (Keshia Knight-Pulliam) and her former NFL linebacker husband Ed Hartwell’s busted marriage. Consider it moved over to the “dark-sided” column, and it’s written in blood-red Diediedie font. In divorce documents, Keshia is accusing her husband of trying to cause her to miscarry her unborn baby. Ed denies he supplied the semen on this one. If this attempted murder accusation is true, the Georgia Child Support Calculator must have spit out the sum of “bloodshed“ at him, causing his ass to panic.

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Here in Boston, the oldsters still harbor a kernel of resentment towards poor Bill Buckner. He’s the former Red Sox first baseman that let a ball go between his legs on October 25, 1986. That was during Game 6 of the World Series. Two days later, the New York Mets beat the Sox in Game 7, and Red Sox Nation began literally years of hanging Billy in burning effigy in its mind. Dude got death threats! Supposedly he’s been forgiven since then (we finally won the World Series in 2004 after waiting 86 years), but bring his name up and the lips of old people here in the Hub sometimes curl. Why am I talking about sportsball on Dlisted of all places? BECAUSE RAY J IS THE BILL BUCKNER OF OUR TIMES. That dude boned a lethargic Kim Kardashian in a sex tape, her mother leaked it was leaked, and now we live on Planet Kartrashian. I can’t be the only one with a “Fuck You, Ray J” tat, right? Anyway, he married his Love & Hip-Hop: Hollywood co-star Princess Love last night. The couple, who have been shown to have had a rather contentious relationship in the past, wanted and reportedly got a “dream wedding” and “a royal, elegant and enchanting reception fit for a princess and prince” according to their wedding planners. So he didn’t push her into the chocolate fountain?

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US women’s soccer goalie and champion nephew beater Hope Solo was all kinds of wrought after her team was eliminated by Sweden last night. Solo referred to the winners as “a bunch of cowards“ after the match. Hopefully (ugh, sorry) Solo’s nephew was wearing his bite suit after the game if he accompanied the family to Rio.

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A video that Amber Heard shot of her drunk-ass wreck of a husband Johnny Depp remodeling his kitchen has appeared. In it, Depp demonstrated that you don’t need contractors to give your kitchen a whole new look. Just get shit-faced enough that trash bags, cabinet doors, and wine glasses become your sworn enemies and beat the shit out of them. You can then just get some peon to shovel out the debris, and you’ve got a blank slate to work on. Welcome to the next chapter of Johnny and Amber’s The Neverending Divorce Story.

Amber is scheduled to give her deposition today concerning the restraining order she’s filed against her ex. Amber claims that Johnny physically assaulted several times.

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Kyper!

Kyper deserves to be HSOTD for the simple fact that he’s making your whole body pucker with that tank top, gold chain and leather gloves action. That whole look is very “guido cat burglar” and I’m feeling it. But Kyper is getting the HSOTD stamp of honor today for being the Emperor of Hip Hop in the 20th century the 1990s the year 1990 one week in 1990.

Kyper (born name: Randall S. Kiper) is a musical artiste from Baton Rouge, Louisiana who had his biggest hit in the very early 90s. I completely forgot that Kyper existed until reader Angelo reminded me of him. Wikipedia tells me that Kyper had a few club hits, but the only song I know of his is the minor hit “Tic Tac Toe,” which sampled “Owner of a Lonely Heart” by Yes. It hit #14 on the Billboard Top 40. That boggles the mind, because it should’ve been the mega hit of the 90s thanks to lyrics like, “X, and O. As in sex, maybe so,” and the video! You got Kyper serving up swap meet MC Hammer and magnificent pec cleavage, along with pure 90s cheese and a set that looks it was once used to shoot a public access game show.

Kyper seemed to stop making music in the mid-90s. He probably figured, why bother. I mean, when you’ve won the ultimate game of Tic Tac Toe by making an artistic masterpiece like that song and video, why try to top a work that cannot be topped?

Debi Mazar (52)
Lennon Stella (17)
James Morrison (32)
Sebastian Stan (34)
James Carpinello (41)
Moritz Bleibtreu (45)
John Slattery (54)
Sam Champion (55)
Dawnn Lewis (55)
Danny Bonaduce (57)
Philippe Petit (67)
Kathleen Battle (68)
Fidel Castro (90)

Pic: Getty