If you were out and about this weekend and things didn’t seem as overpopulated as they normally would, it might’ve been because Nick Cannon was indisposed and unable to spontaneously reproduce. In some Papa Nick news that’s shockingly not another “we’re expecting” announcement (although the day is still young), Nick posted on Instagram that he landed in the hospital with pneumonia on Friday but is on the mend.

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Buxton, the golden retriever who may also be the Captain of Noise Patrol!

Newsweek has pointed me to a TikTok that is feel-good material for anyone whose nerves are splintered by the sound of a squeaky toy. Because TikToker @naomiblk1 may have caught the moment when one of her golden retrievers pulled some “um, it’s quiet time” shit on his dog sister, who obviously didn’t care that it was 10:43 at night and kept acting a loud mess!

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We’ve all been involved in some sort of fender bender. Usually, the person at fault is a distracted driver who’s on the phone or is eating a McMuffin with one hand and holding jumbo 7-11 coffee in the other. However, a recent accident in the parking lot of a Walmart couldn’t be blamed on a distracted driver. The figure behind the wheel of this particular incident was a character who couldn’t even hold a cup, much less legally drive a car: a dog! Hard to sue for damages when the only compensation you’ll likely get is a bowl of Purina puppy chow.

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Every day we discover a new heinous crime committed by Good Morning America’s T.J. Holmes. The scandal that rocked the morning meemaw gossip circles continues to merrily chug along. If you’ve not been invited to the GMA text chat and don’t know what a T.J. Holmes or an Amy Robach is, they’re two morning hosts who got caught “getting cozy” with each other and not with the people they were married to. Their affair has been the biggest thing to hit morning show news since we “shockingly” discovered that Matt Lauer was an asshole. Now that everyone knows that T.J. and Amy are rotten cheaters, some super sleuths have uncovered more of T.J.’s dirty laundry. Before Amy sashayed into the picture, T.J. was allegedly doing the nasty with one of GMA’s producers for at least three years. How many horny marathons did this guy run?

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