We’ve all been involved in some sort of fender bender. Usually, the person at fault is a distracted driver who’s on the phone or is eating a McMuffin with one hand and holding jumbo 7-11 coffee in the other. However, a recent accident in the parking lot of a Walmart couldn’t be blamed on a distracted driver. The figure behind the wheel of this particular incident was a character who couldn’t even hold a cup, much less legally drive a car: a dog! Hard to sue for damages when the only compensation you’ll likely get is a bowl of Purina puppy chow.
If there was ever any doubt who is the greater menace to (Hamptons) society between convicted felon Martha Stewart and perpetual pussy mangler Gwyneth Paltrow, then this ought to settle it once and for all. Martha may know how to fashion a shank out of a bar of French-milled soap, but Gwyneth is out here literally setting people on fire. People reports that two men were sent to the hospital after catching fire during an in-store event at Goop’s Sag Harbor location while making table-top s’mores using candle holders filled with rubbing alcohol, “causing a large explosion and flame.” One of the men was so badly injured he had to be airlifted to the hospital and the other left in an ambulance. A spokesperson for Goop says that “no candles were in use at the time of the accidental fire,” possibly in an attempt to counter the rumors that Gwyneth’s vagina smells like burnt hair and BBQ ribs.
The infamous Norfolk Southern-Gregson Street Overpass in Durham, North Carolina, aka “The 11-foot-8 Bridge,” “The Gregson Street Guillotine”, and/or “The Can Opener”. This overpass was built in the 1940s, with a then-standard clearance of 11 feet and 8 inches. In 1973 they (I don’t know who) raised the minimum standard clearance to 14 feet. But Durham didn’t raise their overpass. Instead, they let it fuck up all the too-tall trucks, RVs, and buses that ignore the signs, warning lights, and bright yellow crash beam. And while the crash beam may protect the structural integrity of the hungry bridge, it doesn’t protect the vehicles that smash into it. Instead, it acts as a kind of a roof-tearing can opener. Mmmm, yummy truck innards, feed overpass noooow!
Black Panther star Letitia Wright has wisely kept herself out of the headlines by keeping her mouth shut and staying off social media ever since getting dragged to hell and back last December for posting some anti-vaxx quackery on Twitter. Unfortunately, fate stepped in and Letitia’s in the news again, though this time through no fault of her own. According to Deadline, Letitia had to be rushed to the hospital last night after being injured on the set of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Thankfully she only received minor injuries and has already been released from the hospital. But her accident let the small domesticated panther out of the bag because now we know that Letitia is in fact returning as Shuri despite previous speculation that the addition of Michaela Coel to the cast may destroy her (odds of coming back after the shit she stirred).
A 74-year-old Arizona hiker was injured and ended up having to get a helicopter rescue. Sounds simple enough until the helicopter starts acting like possessed carnival ride gone wrong and spins the fuck out on this poor woman. A camera man captured the rescue, and the video is wild. It’s the 2019 remix of Dead or Alive’s You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) called You Spin Me Round (Like A Gurney).
I’m getting motion sickness just writing about it. The women ended up being okay, but I’m sure it will be a minute until she gets on a helicopter or a spinning carnival ride again.
The Mirror is reporting that Emma Fairweather, the passenger whose arm was busted in a car crash with THE QUEEN‘s husband, Prince Philip, finally got what she wanted: an apology, and she gave it directly to The Mirror, of course. But I guess that’s nice but like… was the apology written on money? Because the only apology I would accept from the Royal Family is spelled: P-A-Y-O-U-T. Continue reading