File this under: Drink some coffee before you rob a joint!

Police in Seattle were called to a possible break-in at a Fred Meyer department store. When they arrived, they found a trail of pillows and other shit from the store’s storage room to the place where the two dumbasses were sleeping. They were napping on the shit they stole! Police took pictures of them before placing them under arrest.

Before waking these idiots, the police should have taken out a Sharpie and scribbled “I suck at robbing” and “world’s worst thieves” on their foreheads. They also should have frozen their panties and put their hands in a bowl of water to make them piss themselves.

Kyle Burress, 25, and Allen Pierce, 27, have been charged with second-degree burglary. The police say alcohol was involved. Yeah, so was stupidity and laziness.

Thanks Jennifer

Frances Bean is the worst intern ever! Courtney Love taught her well – Vh1 Blog

Possible “Project Runway” spoilers – Celebitchy

Tori the Hutt to write another book – I’m Not Obsessed

Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards battle it out in court…again – ICYDK

Colin Firth says Meryl Streep is a drag queen – A Socialite’s Life

The paps don’t care about Alfonso Ribeiro – SOW

White Oprah does the famewhore dance – Mollygood

Gay Al is in Miami doing the whole “fashion week” thing and he was spotted hanging out with another Star Jones look-alike. A source told Page Six, “He came to the Tommy Bahama show at the Raleigh with a look-alike. But this one was in what looked like a fake Herve Leger and 4-inch stillettos.” Fake Herve Leger and 4-inch stilletos? Aww! That was so sweet of Gay Al to let his new fruit fly borrow his clothes.

The source said that Gay Al stood by the bar with his date with a towel around his neck, drinking Peroni beer. He was just taking a little break in between butt-fuck appointments. He really should have left his cum rag back in the room. Most people don’t enjoy the fresh smell of crusty man chowder with their cocktails. Yeah, most people are crazy. Crusty man chowder happens to be my signature scent.

Speaking of Gay Al, I spent a lot of my weekend watching his “I am not a homosexual” YouTubes and I finally realized what that shit reminds me of. It reminds me of “Men In Film.” I mean, can’t you just picture him screaming, “Touch me in the morning and then just walk away“? I think I’ve found Gay Al’s new career. Clip below:

Alec Baldwin is currently whoring out his divorce memoir, “A Promise to Ourselves,” and he turned down interviews with Larry King and others, because he only wanted to talk to Diane Sawyer. Diane agreed to the interview, but had to reschedule because of her husband Mike Nichols’ heart surgery.

A source told Rush & Molloy that Alec flipped out, “Diane’s people couldn’t believe how angry Baldwin got. She was running back from the hospital!” He probably called her a “rude little pig” and went on to say, “I don’t give a damn that you’re 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you’re a child! You have humiliated me for the last time!”

A friend of Alec’s said, “The interview was rescheduled at least four times. Then the air conditioning wasn’t working. Alec was a little annoyed, but not with Diane.” The air conditioning wasn’t working?! I can relate. A broken A/C will seriously make you consider committing murder. My A/C was broken yesterday and my dog was also MIA the entire day. Coincidence? I think not. That bitch wasn’t about to take any chances.

Back to Alec, you know if he wasn’t such a grouchy fuck, he probably wouldn’t look like a stale bag of flour. He used to be such a hot piece and now he looks like the crazy man on the subway who won’t stop yelling about how “the end of the world is coming.”

Why are dumb bitches still giving OmaGROSSA a platform for her fake foolishness? Yes, I’m at fault too. I’ll dick slap myself later for posting this shit. Anyway, Wendy Williams had Omarosa on her talk show yesterday, and shit got heated right away.

OmaGROSSA was on to promote her book, “The Bitch Switch,” and soon after sitting on the couch, she told Wendy she “would not be disrespected.” Wendy responded by saying, “This is not the time for you to look for your moment.” Wendy then reached for Oma’s fugly book to show it to the cameras, but Oma snatched it out of her hands and said, “I’ll hold my own book!”

The interview went on with Wendy calling Oma “a stereotypical black woman,” and Oma telling Wendy that she looks like she had a nose job and that her wig is busted.

Wendy later told the Associated Press, “Omarosa wished her career was my career. Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman.” Okay, I really do love Wendy, but that’s the pot calling the kettle D-LIST!

OmaGROSSA is so hard to watch. I don’t know why Wendy didn’t grab that book and beat the smugness off of that bitch’s face. I want to invite Oma over for dinner just so I can slap her with a drumstick. She just makes you want to punch a peach, and peaches are delicious!

Here’s the clip of Wendy and OmaGROSSA from yesterday’s show. And why are they both dressed like two Southern teens going to their prom?

VIA ONTD

Yesterday, Christian Bale’s mommy and sissy filed a complaint at the police station in London claiming Christian assaulted them on Sunday. The po-po decided to hold off on questioning him last night, because Christian was at the London premiere of “The Dark Knight.” A source told The Sun, “It was a very difficult situation but it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth.”

Stupid celebrities and their special treatment! If it was you and it was your wedding day, they would have dragged your ass out of there before you even had time to say “I do.” And they would have tasered you in front of everyone!

TMZ reports that Christian was arrested today and taken in for questioning.

Holy mom beater, Batman! Yeah, I know, I know. I’m sure you can come up with something better. Have at it!

Did you know Christian’s stepmommy is Gloria Steinem? So it would be pretty fucking ironic if he turned out to be some sort of woman beater.

Here’s some pictures of Christian looking confused and constipated at his London premiere last night.