Open Post: Hosted By Celine Dion Serving Paris A Heaping Dose Of WTF

July 20, 2017 / Posted by:

Chanel better shutter its windows in the Place Vendôme, Louis Vuitton can lock up on the Champs-Élysées, and Dior can certainly close its door. Why, you ask? Because Celine Dion’s reign over Paris continues, and she’s sucking all the glamour up for herself! Celine got tired of all the snotty Vogue writers blabbing about her on Instagram, so she decided to grace our souls with a visual performance.

Last week, I may have spoke too soon, because Queen Slay-line starts out rocking a Marie Antoinette weave. Then she hits the streets to show the City of Lights the “Best Singah In Da Wer-uld!” is THAT and so much more:

Celine looks like Miss Clavel after she just broke free from Madeline and those eleven other snotty brats at the Paris boarding house. She then wears the material from many a couch in Boca Raton, talks to the camera like she’s here to recreate Lemonade, high kicks, gyrates…basically everything short of scaling the Eiffel Tower, and I’m sure that’s only a matter of time!

Celine rocks shrink-wrap while breaking every health code in a kitchen. Or does she? It’s France! Her other Parisian lewks include one that has her looking like an extra from Memoirs Of A Geisha before transitioning into a matador (wrong countries, Celine!). She somehow winds up on a boat, cruising down the Seine, fucking her hat and biting off the face of a mannequin. Which I would also do if I spent all day in a corset. All in a couture day’s work!

On a TOTALLY unrelated note, all the Speed has mysteriously vanished from the drug dealers in Paris.


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