Lindsay Lohan took a break from her current gig as the unofficial Greek goddess of bottle service to film a horror movie called Among the Shadows. Among the shadows is where you can usually find Lindsay most nights, watching club patrons to make sure they’re tipping the recommended 18% gratuity. Although as you will see from the trailer, that’s not what Among the Shadows is about.
After years of failing to pony up the cash needed to keep the doors and windows on Lindsay Lohan’s childhood home from being boarded up by the bank, Dina Lohan’s Long Island house has gone into foreclosure.
In 2013 it was reported that Dina was $1 million in debt and took out a $1.3 million loan on her home. Obviously Dina is as good at paying loans back as she is at parenting, and the bank came calling. Lindsay swooped in to the rescue and gave her mom $40,000 to keep the bank away. It didn’t do much good. JP Morgan Chase filed a lawsuit to foreclose on her house. Dina and JP Morgan worked something out, and it allowed her to stay her house… until now. The Blast says a New York judge has ordered the home to be sold off.
According to documents, Dina is now homeless because she failed to respond to a recent foreclosure lawsuit. Not Dina’s fault. The only letters Dina probably opens are ones addressed to Nana Lohan that look like they might contain social security checks.
As of December 2017, Dina reportedly owed $1,492,784.21 on her home. When the matter went to court, Dina didn’t show up, and now some lucky Long Islander can purchase it. Who wouldn’t want a 4,119-square foot colonial with a two-car garage, a pool, and a basement that will immediately need to be decontaminated of the chemicals leaking from hundreds of expired Sevin Nyne self-tanner bottles. The new owner will just have to check the pool house when they move in, to make sure there aren’t any possums inside that look suspiciously like Dina Lohan in a mangy mink coat.
Just in time for New Year’s, Lindsay Lohan has cracked open a bottle of Cold Duck, raised a plastic red cup and burped out “I’m still here y’all!!!” Yes darling, we know. Who can forget the time when you damn near lost your finger in October during a boating accident? And, of course, by “boating accident” I mean carelessly leaving your finger just a little too close to the razor while you’re cutting the boogie sugar. Well this time it’s good news!
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at InTouch Weekly’s offices when the editors got the e-mail confirming that Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant just as they were about to hand Michael Lohan a money order in exchange for exclusive and real ultrasound scans of his knocked up daughter’s fetus.
Proving once again that Michael Lohan spews enough bullshit to keep Home Depot’s manure section fully stocked for decades, Dina Lohan confirms to TMZ that LiLo is not going to pussy burp out a giant freckle with a Russian accent in a few months, because she was never pregnant. LiLo was the first to start the pregnancy rumors by tweeting (and then deleting) about how she was knocked up. Michael Lohan later claimed that LiLo told him in a text that he’s going to be somebody’s grandpappy , but her friend Hofit Golan basically said to not listen to him. Well, Hofit was right, because it turns out that LiLo’s pregnancy was all just a regular Lohan-brand lie.
It took them only two years, but last week the Florida Department of Children and Families snatched away Michael Lohan and Kate Major’s little sons after finally figuring out that these two train wrecks shouldn’t be allowed to care for a rock, let alone two human children. Michael and Kate’s sons, 2-year-old Landon and 10-month-old Logan, were put in foster care overnight before his mother Marilyn Lohan flew in from Long Island to be their temporary guardian. The ghost of The Situation’s future and broke down Tara Reid went to court in Florida today to try to get their boys back. It didn’t happen. Marilyn Lohan now has custody of them.
Great, now Cody Lohan has to smear his face with dirt, put on his rag costume, grab his cardboard sign and stand in front of the supermarket to peddle for vodka money for his mom, because their Fox News settlement money is not coming.
Earlier this year, Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah tossed a lawsuit at Fox News because a guest on Sean Hannity’s show accused them of doing coke together. A few days after Phillip Seymour Hoffman died, Sean Hannity did a segment on his show called, “Early Train Wrecks And Tragedies About To Happen,” and one of his guests, Michelle Fields, said that White Oprah does coke with her daughter. Fox News quickly apologized. But since apologies aren’t going to pay White Oprah’s bar tab, she and LiLo threw a defamation lawsuit at Fox News. They claimed that Michelle Fields’ comment smeared and stained their pristine reputations. They do have a point, because their reputations are as pure as a baby bunny’s first tear.
White Oprah and LiLo, of course, wanted cash. They’re not getting a dime, though, because TMZ says that a judge tossed the case out of court today. The judge declared that the comment wasn’t made “maliciously,” their both public figures and LiLo has admitted to snorting the bad shit before. This old recording of LiLo saying that White Oprah did coke also probably didn’t help:
White Oprah and LiLo also sued Michelle Fields. TMZ doesn’t know if that lawsuit also ended up in the dumpster.
This is an INJUSTICE and I hope LiLo appeals. Because Michelle Fields’ claim is false and it is damaging to LiLo’s reputation. Michelle Fields basically said that LiLo shares and now everybody’s going to think that LiLo will share her shit with them. LiLo needs to take this all the way to the Supreme Court!