The Bank Is Coming After White Oprah’s Long Island House Again

September 20, 2013 / Posted by:

The other Oprah might soon smell the scent of pussy farts, three-day-old barf, rancid dick cheese, crack smoke, 99 Cent Store self-tanner and whiskey wafting out of her Montecito guest house, and she’ll figure that Dr. Phil just crashed at her pad without asking again. But it won’t be Dr. Phil. It’ll be White Oprah, because she’ll soon need somewhere to squat now that the bank is threatening to take her Chateau de Delusion AGAIN!

For the second time in a year, the bank has started proceedings to snatch away White Oprah’s $1.3 million home on Long Island. TMZ says that after not paying her mortgage again, JP Morgan Chase Bank filed a lawsuit to foreclose on her house. White Oprah and foreclosure go together like Michael Lohan and mesh shirts, so she’s been through this a few times before and always finds a way to get out of it. LiLo gave White Oprah $40,000 last year to save her house.

Chase really needs to cut a bitch a break. White Oprah can’t pay her mortgage, because she spends all her money on gin. What do they want her to do? Go thirsty? White Oprah will get out of this. The bitch always does. She’ll steal borrow another $40,000 from LiLo or she’ll sell The Curious Case of Ali Lohan to a sheik with a zombie fetish.

Since the inside walls of that house have seen some dark-sided and terrifying shit (see: Michael Lohan naked), White Oprah should lease it out to FX so they can use it for the fourth season of American WHorror Story.

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