Category: Poor You
Mark Zuckerberg’s Net Worth Dropped $7 Billion During Facebook’s Blackout
Yesterday is a day that will go down in tech history forever. It was the day in which crazy aunts were denied their favorite place to spread misinformation about the COVID vaccine being a secret plot to implant 5G chips in our brains. The day high school mean girls across the nation struggled to recruit random strangers to their pyramid scheme business. Facebook, and several Facebook-owned platforms, went dark for about six hours. But it wasn’t just Facebook’s user engagement numbers that dropped but also Mark Zuckerberg’s net worth. The poor man found himself in the embarrassing position of losing $7 billion in one day, which means his net worth is now only (horrified gasp) a paltry $120.9 billion.
Chrissy Teigen Says She’s Going To Start Minding Her Own Business
Chrissy Teigen’s past behavior came back to bite her ass in a big way a few months ago when Courtney Stodden alleged that Chrissy was one of Courtney’s biggest, loudest, and meanest bullies back in the day. The situation didn’t magically disappear after Chrissy typed out a public apology, so she left social media for a break.
She’s still trying to stay off the internet for the most part, which Chrissy hates because all she wants is to hop back onto Twitter and chirp her most random thoughts at her 13.5 million followers. But whenever Chrissy decides it’s time to exit the “Cancelled Club” and return to Twitter, one thing she might be leaving behind in the past is one of her former favorite online past times: stirring the pot and sticking her nose in other people’s shit.
R. Kelly Asked The Media To Leave Him Alone Ahead Of An Appearance At A Poorly Attended Private Event
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. It’s about this poor guy who is a victim. R. Kelly, who is currently out on bond for numerous counts of sexual abuse, took to his Instagram page last night to illicit a little compassion from the media ahead of a private party in Springfield, Illinois that he was paid in actual U.S. currency to attend. R. asked in his calmest “pretty please” voice for the media to leave him alone, but it turns out he didn’t really need to worry, because the party was pretty much a flop. I guess not that many people are willing to pay to hang out with R. Kelly these days. You don’t say.
Gwyneth Paltrow Says Being Famous Prevented Her From Finding Goop Investors
For the past ten years, Gwyneth Paltrow has run a multi-million dollar business, and she’s clearly got a formula that works: find any existing product, get creative with the medical claims, then watch gullible rich ladies spend too much money on it. You’d think investors would be banging down her door to get in on the action. But according to Gywneth, she’s practically had to beg for Goop.com investments, and it’s all because she’s famous.
Ben Affleck’s “Live By Night” Is A $75 Million Flop
Just a few days after Ben Affleck received a his 10th Razzie nomination, Variety is reporting that Live By Night is a huge flop. Ben wrote, directed, produced and starred in Live By Night, so this news is bound to kill his ego’s boner. The film cost Warner Bros. $65 million to make, plus tens of millions more to market (according to Variety). Live By Night was released exactly two weeks ago in theaters, and has brought in a whopping – drum roll please – $16.5 million worldwide. That’s barely Ben Affleck’s hair-maintenance budget.
Variety says that when you subtract the box office from the amount of money Warner Bros. stuffed into that turkey, they’re left with a loss of $75 million. To put that into perspective, $75 million is almost nine Manchester by the Seas. “I may have jacked off to Small Wondah, but at least my crappy Dollah Store Dick Tracy movie didn’t lose $75 million, ya beefy fuck” shouted Casey Affleck.
This is Ben’s latest in a string of movies that had Hollywood awkwardly tugging at their collar. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice made money, but it was critically panned. The Accountant made ok money, but didn’t exactly have people running into the streets screaming “You’ve got to see The Accountant!!” The next movie he’s got coming up is Justice League.
I kind of hope this is the beginning of Ben’s return to his box office bomb days. That’s my personal favorite Ben; the JLo-ass-rubbing, gold chains and white t-shirts-wearing star of fun-to-watch garbage like Gigli. Ben’s rich, so he can totally afford to slum it in bad movies for a while. Now is the time to make Gigli 2 happen, Ben.
Pic: Splash
Ben Affleck Will Only Do Another Batman Movie If It’s Good Enough For Him
Bad news for anyone who was hoping for another chance to watch Sad Jacked Batman emote through grunts on the big screen. Ben Affleck might be done with the whole Batman thing, and you can thank his integrity for that.