R. Kelly Asked The Media To Leave Him Alone Ahead Of An Appearance At A Poorly Attended Private Event

April 7, 2019 / Posted by:

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. It’s about this poor guy who is a victim. R. Kelly, who is currently out on bond for numerous counts of sexual abuse, took to his Instagram page last night to illicit a little compassion from the media ahead of a private party in Springfield, Illinois that he was paid in actual U.S. currency to attend. R. asked in his calmest “pretty please” voice for the media to leave him alone, but it turns out he didn’t really need to worry, because the party was pretty much a flop. I guess not that many people are willing to pay to hang out with R. Kelly these days. You don’t say.

Newsone says that Robert was slated to “perform” at the Dirty South Lounge in Springfield, with ticket prices set at $100. The party promoter must have underestimated the fine folks of Springfield, because most residents pulled a David Lee Roth video vixen and said “Not if you were the last illegal immigrant on Earth, Honey” to that, so ticket prices were slashed in half to $50. Even that Bargain Basement price wasn’t low enough to fill the club, according to party goers.

That didn’t stop R. Kelly from his public plea ahead of the party:

“Yo, this your boy Kells and I got an event to do tonight in Springfields (sic), Illinois. So I want the media to take it easy on me, Man. This is how I gotta get paid now for right now. So I gotta go do this event, and it’s a party, so when you see me in the club with a couple of drinks in my hand, and chillin’, please, take it easy. Appreciate it all, thanks.”

R. Kelly wanted us to believe that he was going to hate every moment of being up in that club with those drinks, chillin’. Hating every minute! Here’s R. Kelly in the flesh. Notice he’s a bit more chill than he was with Gayle King last month. He must have watched the playback from Gayle’s show and cringed himself and “his spirit” straight:


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by R Kelly (@rkelly) on Apr 6, 2019 at 4:32pm PDT

Ironically, if it weren’t for the media buying tickets to this shit show, R. Kelly probably would’ve been sitting in the club with a bunch of crickets. Turns out it was a party that even the fakery of social media couldn’t represent as lit in any shape or form, and he only performed for about “45 seconds“.

In defense of R. Kelly resorting to public appearances to make a little cash, it turns out his lawyer is just as delusional as him, because his defense tactic is just WOW.

“This is someone who should be wealthy,” defense attorney Steve Greenberg told the court, pointing to bad contracts and mismanagement of money as part of the reasons that Kelly’s pockets are supposedly empty.

See, R. Kelly just wants to cash a check so he can go back to living the lifestyle he was accustomed to before he got caught allegedly holding child pornography, imprisoning and sexually abusing women minors, and not paying child support. Y’all, just let R. Kelly be great! (Note: this is Dlisted, so I trust errebody up in here has a HEALTHY bulk food section silver scooper granola sized dose of sarcasm detection built in to everything that they approach in life. If not, here’s a translation: Go fuck yourself R. Kelly, and shut your face hole while you’re at it).

Pic: Wenn.com

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