Cheer Up Sad Affleck, Batman v Superman Is Raking It In

March 26, 2016 / Posted by:

What a holy weekend this is. We have Easter, my favorite holiday, and it’s huge for movies. Easter is about rebirth and that’s what’s happening at the theater. Old, familiar characters brought back to us with a fresh spin and new vision. What better way to celebrate the renewal of the crops, our faith and the world’s energy than with a trip to land of the silver screen. I’m of course talking about the most important movie of 2016, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2! But, there’s this other movie out that idiot people seem more concerned with, Batman v Superman. It’s this movie with Ben Affleck and that guy who bearded Kaley Cuoco, Henry Cavill, punching each other. Apparently it’s making tons of money and going to keep making more, despite having TERRIBLE reviews. Reviews that make Ben very, very sad…

This video has been making the rounds and it’s enough of a reason to be thankful Warner Bros. spent $250 million (WHAT THE FUCK) to make this turkey. The interviewer asks Ben and Henry how they feel about the abysmal reviews and if they think they’ll affect the movie’s coin making. Henry answers the question verbally, but the truth is in Ben’s eyes. This is art. This is true art and Shia LaBoeuf should quit and the museums should all close and all the paintbrushes should be set on fire because nothing will touch the humanity in this masterful work.

This video is the perfect summation, embodiment of me staring at the plate of hot wings I regularly devour and then regret because I know what will happen come morning… Regardless! Batman v Superman is banging the wallets and box-office harder than that monkey banged that frog on Youtube. Variety is reporting that is took in $82 million on Friday and is on its way to making nearly $180 million before the weekend is out. It even broke the record for highest Thursday night showings, making $27.7 million and beating out last year’s Furious 7, which made $15.8 million. For a movie with a 30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes as well as getting reviews like “Batman v Superman Will Make You Hate Batman, Superman And The Justice League“, that’s not too shabby. Poor Ben, he thought he was making some Dark Knight level dark fuckery, but really he’s just starring in Sucker Punch 2. It’s ok, Ben, just imagine how many more tattoos you can get with the endless money you’ll make from this sure to be Razzzie winner!

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