Category: Warren Beatty

You Had ONE Job To Do, Oscars! One Job!

February 26, 2017 / Posted by:

If you’re like me, then you’re probably looking at your bong right now while saying, “What in the fuck did I smoke tonight?” Because when the Oscar for Best Picture was announced by Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty tonight, Faye announced La La Land as the winner and we quickly learned that Moonlight was the true winner. Goddamnit, why couldn’t this have happened on election night?!

After everyone from La La Land got on stage and started accepting the award, a giant WTF hit us all when they figured out that they lost to Moonlight. Warren Beatty explained that he was given the wrong card and I don’t even know what really happened. But I do know that Steve Harvey mouth farted out a giant cloud of relief, because he’s no longer the biggest fuck up when it comes to naming the rightful winner on a card. It was five tons of awkward wrapped in forty layers of mess and drizzled with a sauce made of potent fuckery. Damn you, Faye, Warren and whoever was in charge of the cards for fucking up Moonlight’s moment like this!

I hope this means that Leonardo DiCaprio was so stoned from vaping backstage that he read “Emma Stone” instead of “Isabelle Huppert” and Brie Larson blacked out for a second and read “Casey Affleck” instead of “Denzel Washington.

Pic: Getty

Open Post: Hosted By Nicole Kidman In Taylor Swift Circa 2007 Cosplay

January 3, 2017 / Posted by:

Oh, Nicole, Nicole, please save your Taylor Swift role-play costumes for your bedroom times with Keith Urban. Our eyes don’t need it!

Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing a badly made Taylor Swift wax figure on the guest list,” said the organizers of the opening gala of the Palm Springs International Festival last night when Nicole Kidman walked the red carpet in one of Elle Fanning’s old dresses that her kids doodled on. That dress was made by Dior, but it looks more like something from David Bridal’s collection of wedding clothes inspired by Angelina Jolie’s doodled-on wedding dress. That whole look is giving me a Big situation. Because of that end-of-the-night prom hair and that dress from Justice, it looks like a little girl took over her body and made all of the design decisions for her. It’s a little Whatever Happened To Baby Jane goes to spring formal.

Thankfully, glamorous savior Suzanne Somers once again cleansed the red carpet of messy dreadfulness with her Ann Jillian razor cut, Wayland Flowers-approved rouge and L’eggs covered legs.

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If it went with her ensemble, I’d say that Suzanne Somers should get a Medal of Honor for saving events with her sparkly glamour!

And here’s more pics from the Palm Springs International Film Festival including Natalie Portman wearing Darth Vader maternity chic and Pharrell Williams looking like the manager at a matador-themed gay club that only plays songs from the 80s.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Carly Simon Admits That “You’re So Vain” Is (Partly) About Warren Beatty

November 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Ever since classic diss track “You’re So Vain” came out in 1972, hos have been guessing who the song is about and Carly Simon has always played it pretty coy. I’m surprised there was never a 70s game show called This Song Is About Who? where contestants tried to guess who that damn song was about. Over the decades, people have guessed that the song was about Warren Beatty, David Cassidy, David Bowie, Cat Stevens or Mick Jagger. Five years ago, The Sun spit up evidence that the song is about David Geffen. Carly has only said that it’s about three dudes, but now that she’s got her memoirs Boys In The Trees to promote, she’s spilling a name.

In news that is about as shocking as me having saltine cracker nachos for lunch, Carly tells People that Warren thinks the entire song is about him, but only the second verse was inspired by him doing her dirty (and not in a sexy way). This is how the second verse goes:

You had me several years ago
When I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was me
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.

The real news is that she sings “clouds in my coffee.” I thought it was “clowns in my coffee” for the longest time and figured she was snorting LSD-laced Cremora in the morning.

Carly is sewing her lips shut when it comes to saying who the other two are. (SPOILER ALERT: It’s David Geffen and Betty White. It’s always Betty White.) When asked if she’ll ever say who the other two are, she said,  “I don’t think so, at least until they know it’s about them.”

I can already picture my mom rolling her eyes while saying, “Excuse me while I pass out from shock,” after hearing this news. We’ll all do the same thing in 40 years when Taylor Swift is peddling her memoirs and tells us that “Bad Blood” is about Katy Perry. I’m saving a special string of clutching pearls for that occasion.

Pic: AP

Warren Beatty & Annette Bening’s Trans Son Speaks

July 19, 2012 / Posted by:

In this six-and-a-half-minute-long video Q&A for the site WeHappyTrans.com, Warren Beatty and Annette Bening’s 20-year-old Stephen Ira Beatty, formerly Kathlyn Elizabeth Beatty, openly talks about how he made the transition from girl to boy at the age of 14. Stephen started the video by introducing himself like this:

“My name is Stephen. I identify as a trans man, a faggy queen, a homosexual, a queer, a nerd fighter, a writer, an artist and a guy who needs a haircut.”

Stephen goes on to explain that he’s a femme trans dude who usually wears bows in his hair and beads around his neck and shit. The answer that has some people squinting at is the one Stephen gave when asked who’s been the most supportive. Stephen said his friends, and the words “mom, dad and the rest of my family” never came shooting out of his talk hole. Maybe Warren and Annette aren’t supportive or maybe he didn’t feel like dropping a name on his keyboard. I don’t know, but it is nice to see that a celebrity kid can grow up to not be a spoiled piece of trash who uses their last name to get a shit show on E!.

And if speed talking was an Olympic sport, Stephen would come in second place only to a mile-a-minute-talker on meth and Adderall. Dude talks so damn fast. Don’t you remember when you were 20 and you were so excited and happy about everything that the words popped up in your brain faster than your mouth could spit them out? Then as your ass got older, the booze and bitterness slowed you down and you’d rather roll your eyes than use your mouth to speak. No, I don’t remember that either, because most of us were always eye-rolling bitches.

Also, adorable Stephen here forgot to mention that he’s a time traveler from 1977.

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