Category: Tony Bennett
Lady Gaga Says That Tony Bennett Hates How Martin Scorsese Portrays Italians In His Movies
The Hollywood Reporter says that Lady Gaga appeared with her House of Gucci co-stars, Adam Driver and Jared Leto, and director Ridley Scott, at a post-screening Q&A in Westwood last week. While there, Gaga obviously hammed it up and put in the work towards getting that Oscar for her work as a method-actress. She talked about how she got into the role, but she also mentioned someone else’s name, Tony Bennett. Tony and Gaga obviously hit the jazz music circuit hard as fuck and have a new album out called Love For Sale. Well, Gaga talked about Tony during that Q&A and said that he hates how Martin Scorsese portrays Italians in his movies.
Open Post: Hosted By Miss Piggy And Her Tony Bennett-Saving Heroics
There was almost a Code-Red Crooner Down emergency during Macy’s annual Thanksgiving Day Parade yesterday. Luckily, it was prevented by a quick-thinking Muppet. 90-year-old Tony Bennett was riding a Hallmark Channel float with the queen of pure porcine puppet glamour Miss Piggy. Finally, a blonde icon worthy of Tony! I was hoping that Tony and Miss Piggy on a float together was the Hallmark Channel’s way of teasing a cheesy Christmas movie starring those two called Ham For The Holidays, but I think it was just because they’re both really good at singing.
At the end of a jazzy lil’ rendition of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, the float lurches forward and Tony’s balance doesn’t keep up. Tony looked like all of us after eating our weight in stuffing and gravy chasers and attempting to excuse ourselves from the dinner table. Thankfully, Miss Piggy was there to prevent Tony’s 90-year-old self from falling off the float. Miss Piggy typically uses her good arm for busting out a karate chop on Kermit, but yesterday she used it to brace Tony Bennett and help him stay upright.
Miss Piggy would normally let a human drop so she can have the spotlight all to herself, but not yesterday. I hope the next time I walk into a Hallmark store I see a greeting card featuring a watercolor illustration of Piggy and Tony’s parade moment. Nothing says “I’m here for you” like a puppet selflessly helping out a human friend.
via New York Post
Tony Bennett Met His Current Wife When She Was Still In The Womb
“Meet Your Second Wife” wasn’t only a Saturday Night Live skit, it’s also the romantic tale of how Tony Bennett met his latest wife Susan Benedetto. Looong before 90-year-old Tony made 50-year-old Susan his third wife in 2007, he sort of met her at a show in San Francisco when he was 40 years old and she was negative 0 years old. Susan was growing in her mom’s body at the time. Hugh Hefner and the Trollsens’ dudes don’t need to scream for a nurse. That warmness and tightness they’re feeling in their chest is just from their heart reacting to this touching and ♥~romantical~♥ story.
Lady Gaga Kept It Tasteful And Classy After A Show With Tony Bennett In Belgium
I don’t know who I feel more sorry for in this picture: Tony Bennett, who looks so confused as to why he’s being escorted around by a low-budget Cher, or that security guard who is doing everything in his power not to look at Lady Gaag’s busted titty shields. Nope, never mind – the person I feel most sorry for is the one made out of embroidery thread on the cross-stitch being handed to Gaag. That poor stitched person! You’re either going to end up hanging on a wall in Gaag’s house or being turned into a janky-ass art thong. I pray 4 u, cross-stitch.
Now, I’m not sure if the jazz album Lady Gaag and Tony Bennett made together, Cheek to Cheek, has a theme, but if this picture of the two of them leaving a concert in Belgium on Monday night is any indication, I’d guess that the theme is either “A older gentleman makes the mistake of ordering a hooker from the back of a weekly newspaper he found at the bus station” or “The lady is a tramp…literally“, because Lady Gaag looks like a damn discount call girl MESS!
Okay, sure – she’s at least upgraded her wig to something that doesn’t look like it was fished from the bottom of a trash can at the mall, and yes her makeup is on point (real talk), but what even is that dress??? I don’t even think what she’s wearing can technically be called a dress; it looks more like an organza table runner ripped from Aunt Sandy’s You Can’t Spell Funeral Without F-U-N! tablescape held up with two rubber bands. No to mention the only thing worse than flashing a titty is flashing a set of flying saucer-sized nipple covers. They’re literally the same size as the stickers I used to get at the dentist for having zero cavities.
But I can’t hate on that Mom Thong (“Mom Thongs – Thongs For Moms”) she’s wearing. Everything feels just a little bit classier when a pair of Sears satin-style no-line tummy-tamers make an appearance.
Pics: Splash
Tony Bennett NO! STOP!
Somebody call Wilford Brimley and tell him we’ve got a code red senior citizen situation on our hands! The toxic rug glue from Tony Bennett’s perfect salt-and-pepper pepaw hairpiece has seeped into his brain and dissolved the part that’s able to distinguish talent from hot messy bullshit. Either that, or Lady Gaga has some career-killing dirt on Tony Bennett and she’s blackmailing him with it. “Let me record a crappy album with you, or else the whole world will know that _____”. I can’t even think of what it might be, since the more embarrassing thing I can think of is working with Lady Gaga. Maybe getting diarrhea at Girl Scout camp (lemme hear you scream if you also couldn’t handle BBQ chips as a kid!)
Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga were on the Today show this morning to promote the soon-to-be-released album of jazz duets they recorded together called Cheek to Cheek (you know that tacky bitch probably wanted to call it Ass to Ass). They also teased the video for the first single off the album, a version of Cole Porter’s “Anything Goes”. The video isn’t done yet (they’re still Photoshopping her jawline) but they’ve released the song online:
Obviously Tony Bennett sounds flawless. THE END. But then there’s Gaga. She sounds like a hyperactive musical theatre-obsessed kid named Kevin auditioning for his middle-school production of Peter Pan. It’s basically Glee’s Rachel Berry crossed with MadTV’s Stuart. K.D. Lang heard it and was like “Damn Tony, did you lose my number?”
Here’s more of Tony Bennett looking like a Boca Raton mob boss and Lady Gaga looking like an extracted blackhead at the Today show this morning, as well as Gaga looking like a slutty genie the night before posing on the hood of someone’s car. Get off the car, trick! You ain’t no Kelly Bundy!
Pics: Splash
Tony Bennett Calls For The Legalization Of The Good Shit, The Bad Shit And Every Other Kind Of Shit!
If President Obama, Congress and all the Houses quit their jobs and handed all their power over to Tony Bennett, you’d soon be able to waltz into a Duane Reade to pick up a bottle of lube (not the Pimp Mama Kris-endorsed one), a bag of hot fries, a roll of toilet paper and a box of crack rocks. At Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy gala, held at the same hotel where Whitney Houston passed away, Tony said that deaths of Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson and Whitney might have not happened if all drugs were legal. Preach it, pepaw!
“First it was Michael Jackson, then Amy Winehouse, now, the magnificent Whitney Houston. I’d like every person in this room to campaign to legalize drugs.
Let’s legalize drugs like they did in Amsterdam. No one’s hiding or sneaking around corners to get it. They go to a doctor to get it.”
The only shit I know about Amsterdam I learned from an episode of House Hunters International, but I’m pretty sure that only weed is legal there and they still have to buy their 8-balls from a sketchy dealer with stank breath in the dark part of an alley way like the rest of us. Also, Michael Jackson died of a prescription pill overdose and it’s looking like Whitney didn’t take any illegal drugs before she went up to star in Heaven’s remake of Sparkle with Aaliyah. It is kind of bizarre that Xanax and Valium are completely legal, yet whenever my weed man comes to visit, I have to pat him down to make sure he’s not wearing a wire tap. Actually, that’s not why I pat him down. I pat him down because he lets me and it’s pretty much the only kind of action I get.
Anyway, Pepaw Tony means well and some of what he says sort of makes sense if you think about how many billions are spent and how many people die from the war on drugs shit. But that’s some shit for a different day. I think what Tony is really trying to say is that he wants to be able to buy a damn joint wherever he goes.
Here’s a few pictures from Clive Davis’ gala last night and let me predict the future by typing what you’re going to think in about 5 seconds: What in the name of veiny titty balls was Kim Kardashian doing there?! Call me Miss Cleo.
In order: Toni Braxton, Rita Wilson & Tom Hanks, nobody, Glamberace, Amber Rose (no comment on those Klingon brows and gremlin lips), Diana Ross, a Diana Ross wannabe and Our Lady of Perpetual Cheetos.
