Category: Tom Cruise
Leah Remini Believes That Tom Cruise Will Try To Lure Suri Into Scientology When She Gets Older
Leah Remini, Scientologist turned Scientology’s biggest enemy after critical thinking, has long been a thorn in Scientology’s Thetan-covered asshole, and recently, she’s really been going in on its crown prince Tom Cruise. Leah has accused Tommy of being a brown-headed Ellen DeGeneres since he pushes the nice guy image but is really a diabolical troll monster who tortures other Scientologists and is morphing into a clone of Scientology’s evil overlord David Miscavige. And now Leah Remini is speculating that Tommy’s brain has sharted up a “master plan” involving his estranged daughter Suri Cruise. Oh, Leah, don’t ruin Katie Holmes’ Biden/Harris-induced O by putting that dark-sided theory into the galaxy!
Leah Remini Says That Tom Cruise Is The New David Miscavige
Former Scientologist turned anti-Scientology warrior queen, Leah Remini, talked to Us Weekly and reiterated how Tom Cruise isn’t the “nice guy” everyone thinks he is. Leah also accused the ruling disciples of L. Ron Hubbard of stopping her new Scientology special from airing in Australia. Damn! Even Lindsay Lohan can get on TV in Australia!
Thandie Newton Described Tom Cruise’s Stress Zit In Disturbing Detail
There are a lot of motherfuckers in Hollywood who should be investing in the continued health and well being of Thandie Newton. They (and they know who they are) might consider signing her up for a vitamin of the month club or something because in a recent Vulture interview, Thandie let it be known that she’s got a “little black book, which will be published on my deathbed.” Thandie has been through the wringer and has thankfully come out the other side a self-possessed queen who will shank you, with extreme Britishness, with the word “love.” But nothing she endured could prepare her for the harrowing experience of starring opposite a pulsating zit on the tip of Tom Cruise’s nose.
Tom Cruise Is Going To Shoot A Movie In Space
Exciting sci-fi space news today. No, it’s not Elon Musk’s new alien child. It’s his new movie with Tom Cruise! Deadline reports that Tom and Elon’s SpaceX company are working with NASA to make a film in actual outer space. This would be the first narrative feature (an action-adventure, duh) to do that. The project is in its super early stages, with no studio attached, so we likely won’t be seeing Tom float around Gravity-styles for a while.
This news officially makes today the New Scientology Christmas (sorry Cinco de Mayo, you’ve been usurped!). Has your Messiah gone to space? Did Jesus do a backflip off a satellite? Did Muhammad parkour on the moon? Nope! Amateurs. Continue reading
Rob Lowe Says Tom Cruise Went “Ballistic” And Refused To Share A Hotel Room With Him During “The Outsiders”
Because people like to please pretty people, Rob Lowe has probably been told his entire life that he’s also smart and funny. Therefore, Rob has jokes for days and thinks he’s cute. And while his jokes are terrible, he has perfected the art of the petty drag. Which I appreciate! According to People, Rob was feeling especially shady on a recent episode of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd and praised Tom Cruise’s “wherewithal” for always knowing he’d be a star by telling a story about Tom going “ballistic” at the thought of sharing a hotel room with him during the audition process for The Outsiders. Rob reaching all the way back 1983 to take a little shit on Tom is the 2020 content that dreams are made of given that aspirations for 2020 are at an all-time low.
The Release Dates For “Top Gun: Maverick” And “A Quiet Place Part II” Have Been Corona-Delayed
That persistent, rat a tat tat sound you hear right now is Tom Cruise stomping his little Cha Cha heels in a rage over the news that the release date for Top Gun 2: What Could Go Wrong? has been postponed yet again, this time due to the coronavirus pandemic. If so many lives and livelihoods weren’t at stake, I’d give coronavirus a big wet kiss on the mouth for providing us with this small dose of schadenfreude during this difficult time. Top Gun: Maverick joins a slew of other movies, including the sequel to A Quiet Place, that are having to self-isolate from their scheduled theatrical release dates. According to The Wrap, Top Gun: Maverick’s Goose Is Cooked won’t be buzzing our towers until Christmas.