Leah Remini, Scientologist turned Scientology’s biggest enemy after critical thinking, has long been a thorn in Scientology’s Thetan-covered asshole, and recently, she’s really been going in on its crown prince Tom Cruise. Leah has accused Tommy of being a brown-headed Ellen DeGeneres since he pushes the nice guy image but is really a diabolical troll monster who tortures other Scientologists and is morphing into a clone of Scientology’s evil overlord David Miscavige. And now Leah Remini is speculating that Tommy’s brain has sharted up a “master plan” involving his estranged daughter Suri Cruise. Oh, Leah, don’t ruin Katie Holmes’ Biden/Harris-induced O by putting that dark-sided theory into the galaxy!
Ever since Katie flawlessly got away from Tom and Scientology in 2012, he apparently hasn’t seen much of Suri, who is now 14 years old. Wait, excuse me for a second. I need to punch into a tub of IcyHot and make an appointment for cryotherapy since I suddenly got a case of arthritis and liver spots of the hands after realizing that Suri is 14 years old.
Okay, I’m back. In 2015, Allison wrote about how Tom and Suri hadn’t seen each other for over two years, and he reportedly hasn’t seen her since then. Leah told The New York Post that when Katie and Tom were together, she seemed neck-deep into Scientology’s alien hole, but managed to pull herself out to protect Suri:
“I knew Katie when she was in [Scientology] and she seemed very indoctrinated into Tom’s world,” she said, “but as time went on, and I understood why she did what she did to protect her daughter … I’m only assuming that there’s some type of agreement to protect her daughter.”
Still, Remini added that she is “really proud” of Holmes “for getting her daughter out of something that would have been potentially very toxic and dangerous for not only Suri but for their relationship.”
Tom’s kids with Nicole Kidman, 27-year-old Isabella Cruise and 25-year-old Connor Cruise, are both Scientologists, so he’s close with them. Tom apparently can’t have a relationship with Suri since she’s not a Scientologist, but Leah believes that when she gets older, he’s going to try to bring her into the Dark Kingdom of L. Ron Hubbard:
“Scientology considers Katie a suppressive person which is an enemy and therefore Tom believes, like all Scientologists, that he can’t be connected to Suri,” Remini, 50, told The Post. “I’m sure his master plan is to wait until Suri gets older so that he can lure her into Scientology and away from her mother.”
Please, Katie went up against Scientology once and won, and so she can do it again. I’m sure she’s been training Enough-style for years for when she has to go up against Tommy again, and by “training,” I mean practicing the line, “Ewww, bitch, you totally have a huge zit on your nose,” which will make his vain ass immediately run away to get a CalMag facial at the Celebrity Centre bathhouse.