Category: This Is News
BREAKING: Kylie Jenner Wants Everyone To Know That Her Water Pressure Is Fine
Now that Trump is out of office, the media can get back to covering truly important stories like the water pressure of a Koven member.
Kylie Jenner is insanely rich, so when people saw her pitiful excuse for a shower, BuzzFeed says that the internet was very confused and Kylie’s shower trended, because yeah. But don’t worry, Kylie has cleared it up and she’s still very affluent and very privileged. Phewf! I was worried for a second! And for once, we’re talking about the shower of a Koven member and it’s not a golden one.
Open Post: Hosted By Senator Tom Carper’s String Of F-Bombs
And this was a different f-bomb that got that sportscaster fired.
Many people scream “fuck fuck fuck” over what’s happening to the US Postal Service, but during a hearing about the Postal Service yesterday, Senator Tom Carper blew out a string of f-bombs for a different reason. Senator Carper delivered an f-bomb party after going up against some pepaws’ greatest rival: technology.
No, There Wasn’t A Masked Man Creeping On Jennifer Lopez In The Background Of Her Selfie
Jennifer Lopez recently did what Jennifer Lopez has been known to do many times before, which is that she posted a mid-workout selfie from her in-home gym. Except this time, no one was looking at JLo’s abs or wondering how much time that photo spent as an open document in Photoshop. People on the internet were terrified over what appeared to be a spooky masked man staring at JLo through her window.
But we can all stop screaming for JLo to stop taking selfies and use that iPhone to dial 911. People magazine got to the bottom of the mystery, and it’s not nearly as creepy as the internet thought.
The Internet Tried To Cancel Adam Driver, And “Star Wars” Fans Weren’t Having It
When I saw the hashtag #AdamDriverIsOverParty trending on Twitter last night, I immediately clutched my chest and raced to find what horrible reason there was for the internet to cancel Adam Driver. The most unthinkable, most cancel-worthy thing I could think of was that Adam Driver had petitioned HBO to remove every single one of his shirtless scenes from Girls, and demanded they destroy the footage forever. That would be unforgivable. But that’s not what happened here.
James Corden Breaks His Silence On The Carpool Karaoke Driving SCANDAL
Last week, James Corden was exposed as the fraud he is when it was revealed that he doesn’t actually drive the entire time during Carpool Karaoke. Which is shocking. Well, he addressed the scandal on The Late Late Show and he basically said, “Yeah bitch, are you surprised? We also film this show at 5:00 pm–nothing is real.”
Wendy Williams Claims It Was Not A Fart And She Doesn’t Even Fart That Much Because She’s A Burper
Wendy Williams has cleared her life of her cheating husband and is officially divorced and moving forward, and now she is clearing the next issue hanging over her head: Fartgate 2. Yes, we were calling Wendy a free-farter after she seemed to let one rip during her show last week. Well she’s here to tell you that she is not a farter, has never been a farter, and will never be a farter–because she is what? A big-burping queen! Yes, Wendy claims that she is so busy passing gas through other orifices so she doesn’t even fart that much.