Last year, Jeremy Strong had a whole lot of people thinking, “Shoot, it’s only an HBO show!” when he spoke of his long-rumored and very intense ways of getting into character and delivering a capital-P performance in a profile with The New Yorker. Some of Jeremy’s Succession castmates kind of agreed that it was a bit overkill to dive so deep into a role, whereas other serious thespian types, like Jessica Chastain, Anne Hathaway, and Aaron Sorkin, all jumped to Jeremy’s defense. Jeremy was probably glad when all this chatter about his actor commitment quieted down (the silence probably helps him think of new ways to be intense). But we’re back talking about Jeremy once again, this time because of Michelle Williams. However, it’s less of a headache than the first time around, because Michelle is also pulling some Toy Story soundtrack vibes by letting Jeremy know he’s got a friend in her.
Since Robert Sylvester Kelly can’t read the news, I hope somebody at Chicago Metropolitan Correctional Center broke it to him quite rudely that three of his alleged friends/associates/sycophants have been arrested for allegedly trying to “harass, intimidate and bribe the alleged victims of R&B singer R. Kelly, who faces charges there [New York] and in Chicago.” According to the Chicago Sun-Times, a federal court in Brooklyn has charged Richard Arline Jr., Donnell Russell, and Michael Williams, with three different schemes involving alleged victims of Robert. The “nice one” (emphasis mine) allegedly tried to bribe a woman to not cooperate with feds, and the other two allegedly took more punitive approaches using blackmail and intimidation. That’s a helluva limb to out on for a friend. Joke’s on them, though. They won’t be receiving any thank you cards signed with one shaky backward “R”. Robert says he didn’t have anything to do with it. First the alleged rapes, sex trafficking and child pornography and now we find out he’s a shitty friend too? Robert really is the worst.
The Jennifer Aniston Coochie Watch 2020 continues apace. At this past weekend’s SAG Awards, Jen’s cooch was spotted mere inches away from ex-husband William Bradley Pitt’s peen, (now there’s another celebrity genital to watch!) and people practically lost their shit at the possibility of Brad and Jen getting back together. Well, according to Entertainment Tonight, nosy randos aren’t the only ones invested in Bradiffer 2.0. (if I’m not mistaken, Brad and Jen missed the first wave of celebrity couple names. I’m not married to this one, but I don’t have all day. I did my best in the time allotted and am moving on!) Apparently Jen’s TV-BFF Courteney Cox is also shipping Bradiffer 2.0 (come on, it’s better than Jad!) and we know this because she liked “a slew of photos of the reunion” that were posted by Instagram account Comments by Celebrities. (OK, how about Jilliam Bradiston?)
After taking a vow of silence from opining on the important hot topics of the day, Matt Damon is dipping his toes in the waters of controversy once again by giving his honest and unfiltered opinion on one of the most important issues facing not just Hollywood but all of mankind: Ben Affleck’s back tattoo. Matt appeared on The Daily Show and Trevor Noah asked him if he was planning on distancing himself from his longtime bro because of his embarrassing ink. Matt answered (via Page Six):
“Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake him — I’ve known him since I was 10, so that’s 37 years,” Damon said, adding, “I mean, it’s not one man’s job to tell another man what he can do to his back. I support him in all of his artistic expression.”
Some might call it a shady answer but Matt can barely cast a shadow let alone throw shade. Ben’s never cheated on Matt (as far as we know) so he doesn’t have any reason to not play nice, unlike Jennifer Garner who played kitty coy by licking her paw and purring “bless his heart” which is the only thing Jennifer’s ever said that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Despite what he says about a man’s back being his own or whatever, as Ben’s BFF, Matt is partially responsible for that mess. Ben’s always sticking his honey bear nose in pots he has no business in but refuses to step up to his responsibilities as a Ben handler. Matt blatantly ignored Ben’s peas for help. We all heard them yet were powerless to intervene. Maybe instead of fantasizing about being Thor’s neighbor in Australia, Matt should have focused his energies on the crisis here at home.