If You’ve Ever Wanted To See Benedict Cumberbatch And Reese Witherspoon Suck Face, Here You Go

Also, if you’ve always wanted to see Bendandsnap Culohatch touch mouths with Laura Jeanne Poon, then you’re a sucio, kinky fuck. The next time I type “felching” into PornHub, I’ll tell myself not to feel too gross since out there in the world are messes more depraved than me. The kind of messes who get the tingles from watching these to go at it with their mouths.

It’s that time of year again when actors who want an Oscar work it like their pimp is in jail and they gotta bail him out before morning. Every year, The New York Times Magazine answers the question “Which actors are so hard up for an Oscar that they’ll do whatever we say?” by putting out a bunch of artsy videos starring some Oscar hopefuls. This year they took 17 of this year’s “best actors” (and Kristen Stewart) and paired them up together in kissing scenes. B. Cums and Reese got paired up and this is what their kiss looks like:

When I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade we went on a field trip to the zoo and we got to watch a zookeeper feed an iguana pieces of butternut squash. That iguana was all about the butternut squash. So while watching B. Cums and Reese kiss, I kept waiting for him to show his lizard self by trying to bite off her chin after mistaking it for a butternut squash.

The rest of the RIVETING videos are after the cut. If you need to know names before you commit by clicking, the kissing hos include: Kristen Stewart, Rosario Dawson, Patricia Arquette, Chadwick Boseman, Jack O’Connell, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Miles Teller, Julianne Moore and more. You can pull your pants up and put the lube away, because there is man-on-man mouth action but it’s not between Chadwick and Jack.

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“You Know, The Guy I Usually Bring To These Things Always Leaves The Red Carpet Smelling Like Funyuns”

Because she’s always looking for any opportunity to clock a few extra hours of charity work, Dame St. Angie made an appearance at the Hollywood Film Awards last night. And since she’s got that movie she directed to pimp out, she also brought along the star of Unbroken (and owner of the pube-covered neck in Cara Delevingne’s stomach-churning hickey pic) Jack O’Connell.

Jack received the New Hollywood Award for his work in Unbroken and spent most of his acceptance speech slobbering over how wonderful St. Angie is. Meanwhile, Dame St. Angie’s husband Brad Pitt was at home slobbering on himself after he ripped an extra-long bong hit and passed out in his beanbag chair in the garage. He finally came too when the puddle of funyun drool collecting on his shoulder began to attract rats, or as he calls them, “bitey mice”.

I’m not sure why Dame St. Angie left Brapi at home, but it probably had something to do with her dress. Yes, St. Angie has worn 1,734,256 black dresses, but has she even worn a felt dress? Felt picks up everything – it’s like a hoarder in fabric form. So I can only imagine the hassle it would have been to try to keep that felt dress clean. All she’d have to do is lightly brush against Hobo Brad, and that thing would have been covered in Taco Bell crumbs and errant beard hairs and weed stems.

Here’s more of Dame St. Angie working some sexy couch fabric realness, as well as all the other famous hos at the Hollywood Film Awards last night:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

When Did Steve Carell Join The DILF Club?

I’m going to have to choose my words very carefully, because these pics of Steve Carell are giving me a serious case of the vapors and I could come across sounding like a total creep (too late dummy, you already used the term DILF).

I haven’t seen much of Steve Carell since he left The Office, and I guess I always think of him as Michael Scott, so to say I was pleasantly surprised to see these pics of him at the Australian premiere of Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues is the understatement of the year. This is like a reverse She’s All That; someone dorked him right up and it’s doing things to me. What? Did that come across as creepy? I have a hard time telling. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some pictures to bookmark for..uh..later (that was, no-question, very creepy).

Here’s more of the Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues premiere with Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd (looking AGELESS. Seriously, I’m concerned; he’s not aging), David Koechner, Adam McKay, Kristen Wiig, and my personal favourite reverse-vampire, Count Kikula (who looks like an adorable polka-dot booze-hug).

(Pics via Wenn, Splash)

Jackass Being A Jackass

No, Steve-O is not going to win me over by making his chin look like it has half of a nutsack is growing out of it (Yes, he is).

Because Steve-O is obviously addicted to getting his temperature taken in urgent care and he can’t go a week without looking like he tried to give a beej to one of those punch walls on Wipeout, he did the dumb fuck dive by swan diving straight into Mike Tyson’s fist at the very end of Charlie Sheen’s Roast last night. Dear wild animals of the wild, us humans punch the pain into each other for sport!

TSteve-O is always running face first into fists! This is nothing new. If he really wanted to do something special for Charlie’s stupid big night, he should’ve taken off his pants, dipped his butt hole in a tub of Crisco, laid ass up on top of the human slingshot and flung himself right onto Mike Tyson’s fist. They could’ve called it The Human Coat Rack. Or Fly Fisting. What William Shatner really meant to say at the end of that mess of a stunt was, “Steve-O, what the fuck? You should’ve went ass first.”

(Image via Whosay)

Steve Carell Quits That Bitch

Steve Carell confirmed to The Ausiello Files that he is done with The Office and next season will be his last. Steve said that even if they tuck millions of dollars into his ass cheeks, he’s still going to leave. He said, “I want to fulfill my contract. I think it’s a good time to move on. I just want to spend more time with my family.”

I’ve never seen one episode of The Office, so I don’t know if the show can go on without him. Let me try to relate with those of you who watch this shit.

If Viki Lord Burke Riley Buchanan Carpenter Davidson Banks from One Life to Live died (because there’s no way she’s ever leaving that show by choice), the show would not go on without her. There would be zero lives to live, because life is not worth living without Viki. So if Steve Carell is the Viki Lord of The Office, then I guess it will die without his ass. Well, unless Heather Locklear replaces him as the lead, because she can save almost anything and she looks really hot in business woman clothes.