Category: Queen Elizabeth
The Sussexes Will Attend Queen Elizabeth’s Platinum Jubilee, But They Won’t Appear On The Palace Balcony
Well, it looks like Prince Harry was able to work out some kind of security situation that satisfied him enough to feel like it was safe to bring his whole family to the UK. Since he’s rich enough to afford his own personal Batman, I’m going to play it safe and assume he hired Batman. But that’s not the point here, what’s important is that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will return to the UK to celebrate Queen Elizabeth’s Platinum Jubilee in June. And this time, they’re bringing their kids, Archie (whose third birthday is today) and 11-month-old Lilibet. However, Batman doesn’t have to stress out about any potential safety blindspots on Buckingham Palace’s many balconies, because Harry and the family won’t be doing the whole public balcony appearance with the rest of the Royal Family.
An Impostor Snuck Into Windsor Castle’s Barracks By Pretending To Be A Priest
THE QUEEN’S security has royally fucked up. Last Tuesday night some dude strolled up to the gates at Victoria Barracks (yards from Windsor Castle) and convinced the Coldstream Guards that he was a priest buddy of the base’s padre, Rev. Matt Coles. The fluffy-hatted guards invited him in without checking his ID or credentials. Soon Father Phony was drinking with officers at the bar and regaling them with bullshit stories of yore. They even offered him a bed in the barracks for the night! The next morning, security double-checked the man’s story and realized he wasn’t who he said he was. Police were called and escorted the impostor off the premises, just two hours before THE QUEEN returned to Windsor from her Easter break at Sandringham. Awww, just missed her!
Prince Harry Talked A Little About His And Meghan Markle’s Recent Visit With The Queen
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle recently made a trip to the UK for the Invictus Games, one of Harry’s favorite annual charity events. And this was a big deal, because Harry and Meghan seemed to be more than happy to keep it warm n’ sunny in Montecito, California. Who could blame them really? One of the biggest tourism draws to the UK is the Royal Family, and The Sussexes have made it pretty clear that’s not their vibe at the moment. But they returned to Harry’s home for a bit, and it was rumored they even had a little visit with Harry’s grandma, Queen Elizabeth. Well, Harry is confirming that rumor as 100% true, because he spoke about chatting with Granny Liz during an interview with the BBC.
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Made An Appearance At Maundy Thursday Service (But Skipped A Visit With Prince William And Duchess Kate)
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were in the UK this week because I guess they found a security team for this trip that could guard their bodies to their expectations upheld by the gold standard of celebrity security. We have already learned that upon their arrival across the pond, they took a visit with Harry’s grandmum Queen Elizabeth, a reunion that was a long time coming, and one that wasn’t completely unexpected, considering Liz’s reported ongoing issues. Harry and Meghan decided to stop and see Harry’s family on the way to the Invictus Games in The Netherlands. But they didn’t just get in some family face time. They did, just not with all of Harry’s family, (as noted above). According to reports, The Sussexes also did a little impromptu royal family volunteer work by replacing The Queen at an annual Easter service celebration.
THE QUEEN Insisted Prince Andrew Escort Her To Prince Philip’s Memorial Service
This morning THE QUEEN attended Prince Philip’s memorial service at Westminster Abbey. Because of the Queen’s recent health issues, there’d been some debate as to whether she’d make it. A royal source previously told People that she hoped to attend, but a decision would be made on the day. Well, I guess today the Queen woke up and said, “Fuck it, let’s go.” And then she opted for an extra layer of “FUCK IT” when she “insisted” on being escorted by Prince Andrew. Continue reading
Jamaica Is Currently Working On Plans To Drop The Queen As The Head Of State
Prince William and Duchess Kate are currently on a royal tour of the Caribbean, in honor of Queen Elizabeth’s Platinum Jubilee, and as seen above, they recently paid a visit to Jamaica yesterday. The reception was mixed, to say the least. The Jamaican citizens in the picture above seem to be enjoying whatever boring story Willy is telling them. But not everyone was so thrilled at their arrival. Dozens of Jamaican leaders have decided to protest the visit, just like what happened when Will and Kate hit up Belize, due to the Royal Family’s colonial past. William and Kate better enjoy all those happy smiles they’re seeing on this visit because it might be their last time being greeted with anything besides a cold shoulder and directions to the nearest Howard Johnson. Jamaica is currently making plans to do what they need to do to evict William’s granny out of her seat as Jamaica’s head of state.