Because we needed further evidence that this is truly the worst possible human timeline or we’re all actually just trapped in a Hell-dimension life-simulator, O.J. Simpson is now on Twitter and he’s putting it to use. O.J. threatened to use Twitter to “get even”, but he’s started with a sort of bland confession.
O.J. decided his first move was going to be “getting even” about the Kris Jenner thing. O.J. denies that they fucked in the hot tub years ago. And you know what else he’s saying ain’t true? Khloé Kardashian is not his kid! Not even O.J. Simpson wants to be associated with the Kardashians.
Entertainment Tonight reports that O.J. Simpson says that his ex-friend Norman Pardo, who is part of a documentary called Who Killed Nicole?, is a huge liar. It was recently revealed that Norman claimed O.J. told him that he once banged Kris Jenner so hard in a hot tub that he sent her to the hospital.
O.J. says that Norman was never his manager and the stories Norman are telling about him are lies. Rob Kardashian Sr. was like a brother, he says, and a man as honorable, just and dignified as OJ-fucking-Simpson would never bang his best-friend/brother’s wife!
“Bob Kardashian, he was like a brother to me. He was a great guy… He met and married Kris and they really had a terrific time together, when they were together. Unfortunately that ended… But never, and I want to stress never, in any way shape or form, have I ever had any interest in Kris romantically or sexually… And I never got any indication that she ever had any interest in me. So all of these stories are just bogus. Bad. Tasteless.”
Yes, “tasteless,” coming from an asshole who wrote “If I Did It.”
And about Khloé. He says that Bob would be extremely proud of his daughters if he were still alive, but they are his daughters. Khloé’s not from O.J.’s juice, okay?
“But the simple fact of the matter is she’s not mine.”
O.J. claims that Norman hasn’t “ever been anything remotely like a manager for me.” O.J. is successful enough on his own:
“I’ve always managed my own affairs, and I like to think very successfully… So when you see these guys [who] claim they’re my manager, it’s just not true.”
I don’t know. Either O.J. is delusional (probable) and he really has not managed himself successfully because successful management does not involve a murder charge, and then an armed robbery charge which puts you in jail. But maybe he’s also correct and he is a good manager because he managed to get away with murder, allegedly. So there’s that.
Here’s his video if you want to dry heave today:
— O.J. Simpson (@TheRealOJ32) June 17, 2019