Woody Allen’s memoir Apropos of Nothing: I’m a Disgusting Pig And Here’s Why (ok, just the first part), was ultimately published, as we always knew would be the case. Like a dog who’s grabbed a putrefied half-eaten burrito off the street, Hachette, the book’s original intended publisher, dropped it after its employees, Ronan Farrow and Dylan Farrow, all yelled BAD DOG and gave a sharp tug on the leash! Which was the perfect opportunity for Arcade publishing to swoop in and snatch it up. Now that it’s out there, we have the opportunity to peek inside to see if those were moldy black beans coming out of it, or if it was actually human feces! The answer, it seems, is both.
In news that surely has Ronan Farrow pissed he didn’t break first, we’re finding out Woody Allen may have spent most of his forties in an icky relationship with a girl young enough to be his daughter. In other news, the sky is blue. Anyone who saw Manhattan where Woody plays a 42-year-old who dates a 17-year-old (played by Mariel Hemmingway who said Woody tried to date her back then) has probably been wondering post-Soon-Yi Previn how close to reality that movie was. Today, we got confirmation from a woman named Babi Christina Engelhardt that the movie may as well been called “My Life With Woody.”
Things must be pretty precarious over on #teamwoody because they’ve finally decided to pull out the big gun, and have Woody Allen’s wife Soon-Yi Previn speak out in his defense. In an exhausting and disturbing interview for Vulture, Soon-Yi breaks her silence and dishes about life with The Evil Mia Farrow and how she and Woody The Saint became lovers. It would really be easier if, as a species, we evolved so that our front eyes, over generations, gradually shifted to the side of our faces, so at times like these, we could avoid the serious repercussions of neck and eye strain.
The 2018 TIME 100 Gala was held last night in New York City to celebrate Time magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people. And whether the people were influential or not, the red carpet fashion pulled from a variety of sources. Like Leslie Jones in Christian Siriano, who is giving you Grace Jones after stopping at Studio 54 while thinking,”I wonder what the rent is on this place? Do they pay monthly or yearly? You know what, hand me my coke spoon and purse, I’m leaving to pursue a career in commercial real estate.”
It’s not exactly a surprise if an unsettling allegation is made by one of Woody Allen’s children. Except in an uncharacteristic turn of events, the latest allegations to be made by a child of Woody has nothing to do with their dad. People says that Moses Farrow, the adopted son of Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, has accused his mother of emotional and physical abuse, and “brainwashing.”
All the way back in the olden days of 2013, Mia Farrow casually said in a Vanity Fair profile that it’s possible that her son Ronan Farrow was made with Frank Sinatra’s blue-eyed jizz fish. Ronan joked about it, but never denied it and who can blame him? If Woody Allen was your father, you would want everyone to think that anyone and anything (examples: a fly nibbling on a roadkill carcass, a cut-short turd out of a hyena’s ass, KFed) except for Woody Allen could be your dad. Frank Sinatra’s widow wasn’t buying it and publicly shat on that rumor. Now almost two years later, Frank Sinatra’s youngest child Tina Sinatra is saying that it’s impossible for Ronan Farrow to be her half-brother. Maury Povich just shuffled off to a corner and melted into a mound of woe, because he’s always wanted to say the words “Frank Sinatra IS the father.”