Category: Megan Thee Stallion
Megan Thee Stallion’s Bodyguard Has Gone Missing Ahead Of His Court Appearance In The Tory Lanez Shooting Case
Canadian Keebler Elf rapper Tory Lanez is currently on trial for allegedly shooting Megan Thee Stallion in the summer of 2020. And although the trial has only just begun, it’s already had its fair share of shocking moments, including Megan’s former friend Kelsey Harris retracting her initial statements and Tory being completely blown away by the fact his career will never be as big as Megan’s. And in this week’s cliffhanger episode of Megan vs. The Munchkin, it’s been revealed her former bodyguard Justin Edison has allegedly gone missing ahead of his court appearance.
Megan Thee Stallion’s Former Friend Pleaded The Fifth At Tory Lanez’s Trial And Recanted Previous Statements She’d Made About The Shooting
As Dominique so rightly pointed out yesterday, what should have been a post-WAP victory lap of a Hot Girl Summer for Megan Thee Stallion, was transformed into a waking nightmare when “Canadian rapper” Tory Lanez allegedly shot her in the foot for reasons only very small men with severe prescription strength mouthwash-resistant halitosis and over-inflated egos masking a deep yet entirely justified sense of self-hatred and inferiority, can understand. So on Tuesday, instead of spending the day doing whatever it is that bad bitches like Megan do in the weeks before Christmas (buying thoughtful yet lavish thank you gifts for their assistants, I presume), she spent the day testifying in court about the worst day of her life. And yesterday, the hits kept coming when Megan’s former friend and assistant, Kelsey Harris, who was in the car with Megan the night she was shot and was allegedly offered a bribe to keep quiet about what happened, spent the day pleading the fifth and, in her words, “zoning out” on the stand, instead of helping Megan pick out really nice thank you gifts for the team. All because some crusty dude named Daystar Peterson rightfully hates himself. What a fucking shame.
Megan Thee Stallion Took The Stand Yesterday To Testify Against Tory Lanez In His Shooting Trial
Megan Thee Stallion was simply trying to enjoy a Hot Girl Summer back in July 2020 when tragedy struck. And cementing that every nefarious thing in modern society originates from Kris Jenner’s vagina, Megan was shot in both feet after leaving a party at Kylie Jenner’s house. Megan says she was in a car with former friend, Kelsey Nicole, and forgettable Canadian rapper, Tory Lanez, when an argument ensued, and he opened fire, striking Megan. Tory’s trial started this week. Megan appeared in court yesterday and gave poignant testimony about what transpired that fateful night in the Hollywood Hills, despite Tory sending her apology texts and allegedly attempting to bribe her into silence.
Megan Thee Stallion Responded To A Drake Lyric That Might Imply She Lied About Tory Lanez Shooting Her
Cara Delevegne wasn’t the first, and certainly won’t be the last, also-ran celebrity to try and lift Megan Thee Stallion’s tail out of the way in an attempt to climb all the way up her ass looking for some clout. But at least Cara had the sense to ask first and avoided getting a hoof to the head. Fortunately, the same can’t be said for Drake, who might want to consider wearing a helmet should he cross paths with Megan. Because she’s probably at the farrier right now asking for some extra sharp stilettos for the next time she sees his ass. After Drake burped up the lyric “this bitch lie ‘bout getting shots but she still a stallion,” on the track Circo Loco with 21 Savage on his latest album, Her Loss, Megan folded back her ears, stomped her foot and said, “Stop using my shooting for clout bitch ass Niggas!” Which is about as close to calling Drake out by his actual name as when his momma screams, “Aubrey Drake Graham!” at him when she’s pissed.
Cara Delevingne Was On Megan Thee Stallion’s Tail All Night At The Billboard Music Awards
I have my suspicions that Doja Cat wasn’t the only person who got turnt during last night’s Billboard Music Awards. According to The Daily Beast, many home viewers noted that Cara Delevegne was on one (or two or three) last night herself, and seemed to be fixated on Megan Thee Stallion in particular. Everywhere Megan went, it seemed Cara and her tongue would pop up out of nowhere like some kind of deranged sex imp. This type of haunting can and will happen to you if you look in the mirror and repeat “Nose Candyman!” three times fast. It probably wasn’t even Megan who said the incantation. Cara could have been summoned by anyone in any of the venue’s restrooms. Cara will manifest near whoever happens to be getting the most attention at that moment. And last night, that person was Megan.
Megan Thee Stallion, Cardi B, And Nicki Minaj Brought Their Double D Game To The Met Gala
The theme of last night’s Met Gala red carpet was Gilded Glamour, and some handled the theme by wrapping their titty balls in gold (see: Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B) while others didn’t really dress on theme (see: Nicki Minaj, who skipped last year’s Met Gala over its COVID-19 vaccination requirements, looking like a goth mess with Chicken Pox). But they all decided it was time to take everyone to Titty City, as they drew focus onto their respective racks to titillate onlookers during this year’s gala.