Kanye West‘s presidential campaign is going as well as his wife Kim Kardashian‘s music career. Kanye is not on the ballot in most states and he’s sued to get on the ballot in other states, including Arizona, which failed. Kanye’s GOP-bolstered campaign has been an embarrassing disaster that has cost him almost $6 million of his own money so far. Spending $6 million on Yeezy prison slippers would be a better use of $6 million and that’s saying a lot. But well, it’s a good thing that Kanye has other things going on like his Sunday Service, which he held again yesterday, and it totally doesn’t look like a reboot of Midsommar.
Joel Osteen’s Easter Sunday Service happened yesterday, and Joel was supposed to celebrate God’s child on Earth, and also Jesus Christ. Kanye West was going to continue blessing us with that religious thing he’s been doing, but coronavirus has fucked that up a bit. Kanye’s holy act requires a giant choir, and because of social distancing, that’s not really possible, so he dropped out of Joel Osteen’s service. Aww, Jesus rose without his younger brother there. It’s really too bad coronavirus stopped this concert from being in person in the first place–I’m sure Kanye would meet a lot of black Trump supporters at a Joel Osteen Sunday Service.
Apparently this Sunday is Easter. Or maybe it’s Monday. I dunno, I’m no theologist. Alas, because of the pandemic, many will not be gathering for Easter egg hunts, family dinners, or church services. But that won’t stop millionaire televangelist Joel Osteen, a man revered for his giving spirit in times of crisis, from broadcasting Easter Sunday service out of his Houston megachurch.
And he’s gonna do it with a little help from his celebrity friends! TMZ says Joel’s good buddy Kanye West will perform in a virtual version of his own Sunday Service, Mariah Carey will sing Hero via webcam in tribute to medical professionals and first responders, and Tyler Perry plans to “deliver words of encouragement” (hopefully in full Madea drag).
In Where Else Was This Going News, newly-religious Kanye West will do an event with anti-gay religious leaders this weekend. Yeah, sounds about right. When you go all the way into far-right religiosity and start talking about how checking hymens is “God-approved” and making your wife wear conservative clothing, the next step is: “Stop the gays from mobilizing.” And here we are.
It’s time to make peace with your gods. Whatever deities you pray to, call on them and ask forgiveness, because Kanye West and Joel Osteen are doing a religious road show. So it’s really only a matter of time until some cosmic entity comes to the planet and blows this shit up in holy rapture. We can only spit at the gods so much.
Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West is back with his latest Galaxy-Mind™ creation that will make you think, “Is this art or just complete fucking nonsense?” It’s the second one but people (Kanye) will argue with you about it. TMZ says that Kanye put out another opera called Mary over the weekend at Art Basel in Miami. Yes, he has more than one. And this time Kanye is actually in it and he is painted head-to-toe silver. Why? Because… Jesus?