According to TMZ, Jennifer Lawrence’s transformation from ultra relatable ingenue to ultra relatable new mother is complete! JLaw is now a JMa, and her baby with husband Cooke Maroney has adorably tumbled out of her womb and into the hearts of millions. Don’t look up? How about look where you’re going, you tiny little burping, farting, shitting renegade. Come get your award for Best Entrance By A New Baby, you earned it!
Ever since JLaw decided to take a step back from acting, she’s also taken a step back from being in our faces. So we don’t know much about the birth of her first child other than it happened. TMZ reports:
Jennifer Lawrence’s motherhood journey starts now, ’cause TMZ has learned she recently delivered her first kid.
According to public records … JLaw gave birth in L.A. County, but we don’t yet know the gender of the baby or the exact date of birth.
Jennifer sparked rumors she might be pregnant last summer, when she was photographed in NYC — and, as you know, those rumors turned out to be true.
We haven’t seen much of her since then. One of the last times she was out and about was right before XMAS, and she seemed far along in the pregnancy. We’re also told she had a baby shower at the end of January.
If JLaw could keep her entire pregnancy relatively under wraps, then why did we have to spend the past decade hearing about the activities of her every other orifice? Old JLaw would have booked herself on Jimmy Kimmel Live before her baby had even crowned so she could give us a blow-by-blow accounting of the birthing process in excruciating detail. But now, if JLaw squeezed Cooke’s hand so hard she broke his finger and shouted “I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR BODY AND SHOVE IT UP MY ASS SO I CAN FART OUT OF YOUR MOUTH” in a hilarious fit of active labor rage, we might never hear about it! But rest assured, JLaw almost certainly had him bring her Taco Bell and got lettuce all over the baby’s head after gobbling up her tacos so adorably, she got lettuce all over the baby’s head. Thus, earning her kid the above mentioned award for Best Entrance By A New Baby.
Pic: Janet Mayer/INSTAR