Just when you finally got “Let It Go” unstuck out of your brain, Disney has dropped the first official trailer for Frozen 2. But don’t worry, there’s no “Let It Go” in this trailer. There is, however, plenty of ice, snow, and Elsa wearing what appears to be a tasteful mother-of-the-bride gown she found on sale at Macy’s. Meanwhile, Anna is in the same purple felt cardigan I had in the eight grade.
Frozen 2 doesn’t comes out in theaters until November, and it feels a little weird to be watching a trailer featuring an ice queen in June, when a good chunk of people are trying to hide a crack sweat line on the back of their shorts. But here we are.
The trailer opens with Elsa pulling some wannabe Johnny Utah moves by running into a massive ocean swell. But it’s ok, because Elsa is still a walking icicle who can free anything she wants, which is why the rock trolls need her help with…something. It’s not clear. You know what she should get to the bottom of? Elsagate. Forget that ice horse you found in the water, track down the weirdos that gave everyone nightmares after they made you fuck Spider-Man.
Everyone is back for the sequel, and this time they leave the castle for a road trip through what appears to be what was left of the Maelstrom ride after Epcot demolished it and replaced it with Frozen Ever After. For a movie called Frozen 2, there’s actually a whole lot of un-frozen stuff. Water, fall leaves, trees, and…are they in the desert up there? Is this sequel set in a world where global warming exists? Maybe they’re subtly laying the groundwork for Frozen 3. It’s going to be a real bummer to see a displaced Elsa realizing her powers are useless to stop the polar ice caps from melting, which would be why she now works at a Cold Stone Creamery.