Charlize Theron Worked Some Elegant Exterminator Couture At The Premiere Of “The Hunstman: Winter’s War”

The Los Angeles premiere of The Hunstman: Two Angry Queens (or Winter’s War, whatever) happened at Westwood Village Theatre last night, and Charlize Theron decided to remind everyone that she used to get nothing but trash roles by strutting onto the red carpet covered in bugs. Obviously that’s a reach; I doubt that’s the reason why Charlize is covered in bugs. In all seriousness, it’s probably because it takes a year’s worth of hot showers to fully remove Sean Penn’s dirty wiener stink from your body.

Red carpets are usually a boring mess, so I appreciate that Charlize wore a dress with a bunch of sequined insects crawling around on a piece of cheap nude illusion fabric. There’s no rhyme or reason to those bugs either; it looks like they’re all searching for the exit. Those bugs don’t want to be at the premiere of The Huntsman 2, they want to be at the In-N-Out behind the Westwood, making bug babies on an uneaten pile of double-doubles in the dumpster.

At the very least, they don’t want to accidentally run into the crazy marker-huffing hillbilly chiggers that may have hitched a ride on Miley Cyrus. Miley was apparently there with her two-time-fiance Liam Hemsworth, but they decided to keep a low profile and skipped out before the lights came on.

Here’s more of Charlize at The Hunstman: Winter’s War last night, as well as everyone else who was there. Like Jessica Chastain, who is wearing a dress that looks heavier than the shit they put you in at the dentist to make sure the X-rays don’t liquefy your insides. And Emily Blunt, who is still very pregnant. Also included, Chris Hemsworth, whose rock-hard Thor thighs are 0.3 seconds from busting the side-seams of his pants (I don’t mind). Also, for some reason, Faye Dunaway was there? Although she doesn’t really need a reason, since Faye Dunaway is a legend and can walk any red carpet she damn well pleases.

Pic: Splash, Wenn.com

This Explains Why I Just Heard An Annoying High-Pitched “NOOOOOoooOOOOO”

Disney announced last September that they’re working on a musical sequel to Mary Poppins after massive amounts of people demanded one (read: nobody except the Disney executives who know this will make them richer want this). The Mary Poppins sequel will take place 20 years after the first movie and will use stories from P.L. Travers’ series about her ass. As soon as it was announced, everybody figured that Anne Hathaway was singing out the words, “I’m ready! I’m ready!“, while pulling up to Disney Studios in a truck full of Mary Poppins costumes she’s been saving for that very moment. I mean…

But a few days after the Mary Poppins sequel news made the rounds, it was rumored that Emily Blunt had already been offered the role. And today, Variety says that Emily is in official talks. Meanwhile, Anne Hathaway has let out a painful shriek while doing the slow wall slide of sadness as she sees her dream role slip away. Her husband and unborn baby are letting out sighs of relief, because hopefully this news means that Anne will stop speaking in a British accent and will return the English children she rented and has been taking care of to really get into the role.

Rob Marshall is directing MP2: Umbrella Boogaloo and apparently Emily was always his first choice since he worked with her on Into The Woods. The deal isn’t done, though. Just like Anne, Emily currently has a baby growing in her body, and that may affect her decision.

While doing the media rounds promoting The Intern last September, Robert De Niro told Entertainment Tonight that “Annie” was perfect to play Mary Poppins. Anne only said that nobody’s talked to her about it (hint, hint, Disney) and she figured the role would go to Emily Blunt since Emily Blunt is British. Of course that’s not what Anne really meant. What she meant was, “Emily will get it since she’s British, but if Disney wants me to move to England and apply for British citizenship, I’ll do it! I’ll do it!” It’s okay, Anne. At least there’s still a chance that the My Fair Lady movie remake will happen and you’ll get cast in the title role. Why in the hell am I even putting that out there in the universe?

Emily Blunt And John Krasinski Made Another Baby

Emily Blunt sweetly putting her head against John Krasinski’s chest tells me that they’re probably same side sitters. The only good reason to sit on the same side during a dinner for 2 at a restaurant is to easily give your piece a hand job. That is it! But anyway….

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski bumped their genitals together and made another fetus, which is a little surprising since her vagina apparently gave a thumbs down clit down over the muscles he put on his body for that 13 Hours mess of a movie. John said that Emily likes his “dad bod” better. But Emily somehow managed to keep down the barfs while humping on John’s muscled-up body and now she’s knocked up. Emily’s rep confirmed the news to UsWeekly and if they didn’t, we’d still know she was pregnant since she wore an oversize coat in NYC in January and that is obviously a giveaway that you’re growing a baby!

Another baby for Blunt! Emily Blunt is pregnant and expecting her second child with her husband, John Krasinski, her rep confirms exclusively to Us Weekly.

Blunt, 32, is currently filming The Girl on the Train, which was adapted from Paula Hawkins’ bestselling novel of the same name. She was photographed wearing an oversized coat on set in NYC on January 20.

Emily and John have an almost 2-year-old daughter named Hazel. Emily and John totally messed up when naming their first child, so let’s hope they do the right thing this time around by giving their second child her last name and the first name “Smokah.” I’d also be cool with the first name of “Passda.” You have ONE job, you two!

Here’s Emily at the National Board of Review a few weeks ago:

Pics: Wenn.com

Fox & Friends Slaps At Emily Blunt For Her Joke About The Republican Debate

Emily SmokeABlunt is married to an American, her kid is American and she lives in America, so she decided to become an American citizen. Even though Emily is an (in the voice of Laura Jeanne Poon) AMERICAN CITIZEN now, she hasn’t lost her British sense of humor, which is drier than the chapped b-holes of the Fox & Friends hosts who didn’t like her joke about the Republican presidential debate, among other things.

Continue reading

Don’t Even Think Of Stepping Onto The Cannes Red Carpet If You’re A Lady In Flats

Because Cannes is a truly formal and sophisticated event that only lets in the most refined and elegant swans (see: the piece of trash above), they have a seriously strict dress code and will spit on any pair of lady feet that aren’t propped up on a high heel. So if you’ve got medical issues and wearing high heels kills your feet and makes you walk like a constipated penguin, suck it up, trick! Put on those high heels and fake smile through the pain, because you gotta get into Cannes! If you have no legs, strap a high heel to your head or wear them on your hands, because rules are rules and you gotta get into Cannes!

Continue reading

So, The Musical Theatre Kid Version Of “Wrecking Ball” Happened Last Night

And now I know what Anne Hathaway does every night with her Best Supporting Actress Oscar. Ann-with-an-E-GODDAMN IT!!! was on Spike’s Lip Synch Battle last night and she did a routine to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” like we already knew she would, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it wasn’t totally the worst. I know, I just gave Anne Hathaway a compliment; book me a brain scan ASAP. High school musical theater’s unofficial mascot really went full-Miley: the grimy Uncle Terry-approved underwear, the Florida flea market fake nails, the look in her eyes that says “Yes, I need lots of attention.” The only thing missing was testing positive for HPV (horny possum virus) and Billy Ray Cyrus giving the thumbs-up from the audience.

Anne was competing against her Devil Wears Prada co-star Emily Blunt, who moved her mouth to “Piece of My Heart.” Emily looked like what I imagine the people who make Lifetime biopics think Janis Joplin looks like. But earlier in the show, she warmed by heart by grinding up on Anne Hathaway during her performance of “No Diggity”. I mean, she’s no Lil’ Penny, but she’s still good.

Anne and Emily were both decent lip synchers, but if Spike really wanted Lip Synch Battle to crush in the ratings, they need to start getting some top-shelf lip synching talent. Suggestion for sweeps week: lip synching legend Britney Spears vs. lip synching legend for another reason entirely Ashlee Simpson. Make it happen!

And here’s Anne out of Miley drag while walking around NYC yesterday:

Pics: Splash