Category: Cunt Plug

Don’t You Even Dare Clap Offbeat In Justin Bieber’s Presence!

November 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber’s Tantrum Tour through Europe took him to Spain where he walked out of a radio station interview because he didn’t like their questions and it also took him to Norway where he walked off the stage in a hissy fit after some fans kept touching his legs as he tried to clean up the wet oopsie he made (spilled water, my ass!). Well, before he left Europe, the Biebs delivered one last smug moment during a performance on the Spanish TV show El Hormiguero.

As cracked out peen puppets swayed on the side, the Biebs yodeled out an acoustic version of “What Do You Mean?” but stopped for a minute when his not-knowing fans kept clapping offbeat. Those fans are lucky they didn’t clap off key at a Taylor Swift concert, because she would’ve sued them all for ruining her song. But those rhythmically challenged peasants did get a lesson in clapping from Toddler Professor Bieber. It starts at around the 2:33 mark.

In the Biebs defense (I hate myself a whole lot more whenever I type that), the audience’s clapping skills were a mess and I did laugh at him getting all bitchy with his own damn fans. And I bet that after he left the stage, the sound of clapping grew louder because everyone repeatedly slapped themselves for being that little turd’s fan.

And here’s the clap master outside of Kendall Jenner’s birthday party in L.A. last night.

Pics: Splash

Justin Bieber Was Put In A Chokehold Before Getting Kicked Out Of Coachella

April 14, 2015 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever wondered how douchey you have to be to get kicked out of Coachella. The answer is: Justin Bieber levels of douche.

Seen above making Usher jealous by getting into some kinky More Than Fifty Shades of Douche shit with fellow asshole The Difficult Brown (Note: But Usher shouldn’t be jealous, because that’s how Chris Brown greets everyone.), Justin Bieber was allegedly put in a chokehold by a Coachella security guard while trying to get backstage for Drake’s set. TMZ says that before Madge powered up her energy bars by sucking out Drake’s insides, Justin Bieber and his entourage tried to get backstage but were stopped by a security guard who denied entry to the possessed Baby Alive doll. The security guard told the Biebs that backstage was at capacity. When the Biebs and his entourage showed their VIP wristbands, the security guard still wasn’t having it and shut that bitch down for a second time.

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James Franco Knows And Doesn’t Care That He Plagiarized Paintings Of His Naked Brofriend Seth Rogen

May 14, 2014 / Posted by:

No, I did not sloppily Photoshop that double-sided dildo into James Franco’s hand. He always carries that around whenever he’s with his best friend Seth Rogen, because they never know when someone’s going to give them drugs in exchange for an ass-to-ass show.

A few weeks ago, the third most prolific copy+paste artist after Lady CaCa and Beyonce threw up some naked paintings he did of Seth Rogen on Instagram and some people instantly said to themselves, “Hmm, where have I seen Seth Rogen’s droopy nutsack in paint form before?” James Franco copied the paintings from drawings that artist and editor of Pinup magazine, Christopher Schulz, did of Seth Rogen’s naked bear body in 2011. James Franco never gave Christopher Schulz credit and never admitted he stole the idea until he was asked about it on Today (via Queerty) this morning. During an interview with the spoonful of unflavored baking powder that is Savannah Guthrie, those ugly paintings were brought up and James admitted to ripping off an artist and his explanation for why he did it is the reason why Summer’s Eve is ashamed to be a douche.

“Some other artist took it upon himself to do these sketches of Seth in the nude. Seth didn’t pose for them. But this artist depicted Seth and he wouldn’t have gotten much attention for these sketches except that he put Seth’s face on it. And so, I felt like, ‘Oh, here he is appropriating Seth’s personality and persona for his art. To get attention for his art.’ And I thought, well if anybody should paint Seth naked, it should be me. So I took his sketches and did paintings out of them.”

To recap: When James Franco steals an artist’s work and does it worse, it’s still better, because he’s James Franco. I don’t know if those wet heaves crawling up my throat are from looking at those Seth Rogen nudes again or from staring at James Franco’s smug face at its smuggiest.

Megan Fox Did Not Cheat On David Silver When She Rode Shia’s Douche Stick

June 30, 2011 / Posted by:

This will come as no surprise to you sluts as this is the biggest DUH excuse given to your lovah when asked about humping on someone else’s fuck parts during a BREAK UP PERIOD, but supposedly the Fox was on hiatus from licking on her now husband Brian Austin Green when she supposedly waxed LaDouche’s pocket monkey.

In response to an internet FRENZY, a nosy bitch-type (Megan texting via a prepaid ghetto phone) working on the set of the first two Transformer movies told US Weekly, “It was when Megan and Brian broke up, they had a 10-month break before getting back together.” Detective Latoya, please sit down.

On again off again relationships are somewhat familiar to me, so let me just clue you in on the five words that will save your ass in a pinch “WE WERE NOT TOGETHER THEN!” You’re welcome (it doesn’t work).

About That Raz B vs. Chris Brown Twitter Brawl….

December 30, 2010 / Posted by:

Nothing like a heartwarming video death threat to serenade us out of 2010’s back door. Above is Raz B’s brother Ricky Romance threatening to stick the head of his pistol into Chris Brown’s gaping mouth hole because of a Twitter bitch fight that went down last night. Where is my kindergarten teacher to separate these asshole children and stick them in different corners of the room without a snack! Yup, no saltines and peanut butter for you, bitches!

In case you don’t know, Raz B of B2K has accused his ex-managers of molesting and raping him and his groupmates. Raz B has been very vocal about these allegations and Chris Brown used it during last night’s playground tether ball throw down. It all started when Raz B flirted with RiRi via Twitter and typed out this: “Im just sittin here Thinking how can niggas like @ebenet & @ChrisBrown disrespect women as Intelligent as @HalleBerry11 @Rihanna.”

And that’s when Chris Brown showed everyone what he learned in anger management. Instead of taking a deep breath, counting to ten and squeezing a stress ball between his nalgas, Chris unleashed this:

@razb2k nigga you want attention! Grow up nigga!!! Dick in da booty ass lil boy

Tell me this @razb2k!! Why when the money was coming in u won’t complaining about getting butplugged! #homothug!!!

I ain’t deleting my tweet either!! I was minding my damn business and Peter pan decides to pop off!!! # whatalame

I’m not homophobic! He’s just disrespectful!!!

merry christmas.i just gave you 20 thousand more followers.. u shouldve did this first instead of telling the world you got raped.

LOVE ALL MY SUPPORTERS and people who know my heart.HOMOPHOBE?c’mon,find a better tactic.thats pure ignorance and stupidity. i love everyone

And here’s a few of Raz B’s shots at Chris Brown:

Ur not homophobic, ur juz homosexual on the low!

@chrisbrown you steady talking about your career and homothugs but you have yet to respond about your boyfriend @Andre_Merritt

@Chrisbrown Since you took this that far! Dude, i wasnt Raped! what a disrespect to every Kid around the world that has been Molested!!!!!

@chrisbrown u victimize victims, ur a homophobe, ur on the down low & a woman beater. Merry Christmas & thx 4 showin every1 ur true colors

@chrisbrown how do u defend urself in that manner bro? I forgive u but u hve alot of pple 2 apologize to. u offended alot of abused pple

And this just in! Chris Brown just played the “I’m not a racist! My cousin’s friend bought a car from a black guy once!” card:

http://twitpic.com/3l8uw5 this is one of my homosexual friends who died in 05.. so stop with this nonsence.. it was an immature argument!!!

What more can I add? Chris Brown is already mouth deep in the hole he just dug himself… However, I will say that ironically enough, “Nonsence” is a great name for an all-gay R&B group.

via HuffPo

The Lohan Family Continues To Be A Mess

July 22, 2010 / Posted by:

Noted bagina basher Michael Lohan must temporarily put his “Prayer Circle 4 Lindsay” media tour on hold, because the cunt plug has problems of his own to deal with. Michael’s fiance Kate Major went to the police earlier this week after he allegedly Mel Gibson-ed her ass by calling her a cunt before kicking her in the face. The Southampton Police Department in New York has charged Michael with second degree harassment. A judge also threw an Order of Protection at Michael barring him from trying to get at Kate in any way.

In the police report, Kate states that Michael flipped out at her, because he’s afraid she’s going to leave him: “My fiance Michael Lohan came home while I was sleeping in a sofa chair. He woke me up, yelling, ‘Why didn’t you pick up your cell phone, you stupid cunt.’ He then turned over the chair while I was still in it, tossing me to the floor. I crawled to the other side of the room to get away from him. He walked over to me, took his shoe off and kicked me in my face while I was still on the ground. He stood over me and said, ‘I’m going to go back to jail cause of you, cause I will kill you.'”

The cop who took Kate’s complaint wrote on the report that she had swelling on her upper lip.

The section 8 Mel Gibson admits to TMZ that he did have a fight with Kate, but he swears on his favorite black tank top that he never brought the violence on her. Michael said that Kate was drunk at the time of the fight.

Lindsay is in a jail room, and Michael Lohan might be headed towards checking into one… Hmm…. There has to be something the cops can nab White Oprah for. Delusioning in the first degree? Running a child famewhore ring? Being mean to ice cream (that has to be illegal)? Assaulting her pores with the diarrhea from a fake tanner bottle?

QUICK! Put Nana Lohan under the light and get her to talk! Actually, Nana Lohan is probably sick of White Oprah stealing her meds, so she’ll sing if you give her a caramel square.

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