So, Madonna Sucked Out Drake’s Life Force At Coachella Last Night

Whore herself to every app ever made? CHECK! Join dark forces with the Avengers of the Illuminati? CHECK! Do stand-up on The Tonight Show? CHECK! Siphon the soul out of a young bitch during a Satanic ritual in the desert? CHECK!

Just when I thought that Madge had pulled every STUNT QUEEN stunt imaginable to sell copies of her album, she reached deep and pulled out another one that nobody (including Wheelchair Jimmy) wanted. Madge was the surprise guest during Drake’s set at Coachella last night and before she left the stage to find another young star’s soul to eat, she wrapped her mouth around his and got his life. Suck that soul out, Madge! The whole moment was very “Next time on Extreme Cougar Wives…” If Wheelchair Jimmy was in on it and this is his way of trying to get Amanda Bynes to finally, once and for all, stop bothering him about leaving a chalk outline around her vagina, it worked. Because not only did Drake’s insides dry up, but so did Amanda Bynes’ thirst for Drake.

If you haven’t yet stretched your cringe muscles while watching Madge get all Inca the Mummy Girl on Drake, here you go:

And this is the classic face Drake made after getting a taste of melted plastic, virgin’s blood, boy toy ass juices, Polident for Grillz and desperation:

Drake looks like he just sucked off Johnny Depp and wasn’t ready for all that cheese.

Madge doesn’t give any fucks (or maybe she gives TOO much fucks), so after she became a meme, she let everyone know that she isn’t bothered feeds off of their hate. Madge doesn’t care now, but she will care in a few weeks when Drake tries to hit her up for alien support money. Because when the egg that Madge implanted in Drake’s body finishes gestating, a Vaudevillian demon alien is going to rip its way out of his stomach and who the hell is going to take care of it?