Category: COFFEE WARS!

Ben Affleck Cheated On His True Love, Dunkin, By Grabbing Starbucks While Out With Jennifer Lopez

December 12, 2022 / Posted by:

Ben Affleck has spent the past few years making Dunkin iced coffee approximately 92% of his entire identity. He even went viral last year when he became a semi-relatable meme as he juggled a stack of rain-soaked packages (symbolic of the trials and tribulations of life, obviously) as his beloved Dunkin (which I interpreted as sanity) precariously sat atop them, poised to come crashing down at any second–while he also tried to prevent his pants from falling down (not everything has to be a metaphor; bitch just needs to spring for a belt). But Ben is a changed man now that he married his supposed human love, Jennifer Lopez, this past summer. He frolicked in Paris, is so at ease that he fell asleep while afloat on the Seine, and allowed J.Af to hold him hostage include him in her TikToks. But now, things must’ve gotten super-serious; because while on a recent outing with Jennifer, Ben canoodled with Dunkin’s mortal enemy: Starbucks.

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Brad Pitt And George Clooney Are Shilling For Rival Coffee Companies (But Are Doing A Movie Together)

September 30, 2021 / Posted by:

George Clooney and Brad Pitt, one of Hollywood’s all-time great friendships. Just a couple of pals with tons of things in common that help them deeply relate to each other. They’re both Best Supporting Actor Oscar winners. Both are two-time People’s Sexiest Man Alive recipients. Both are insanely rich. And, both have managed to get even richer by collecting checks for coffee commercials. Except not for the same coffee company. George and Brad are on different sides of warring coffee empires, both pledging their allegiance to different sources of bold, smooth, rich taste. But the two are about to reunite on-screen and co-star in the same film for Apple Studios. Oh, shit, whose coffee will be served on set? You can’t make them pick sides like that!

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