The 92nd Annual Academy Awards turned into The 1st Annual Local Bong Joon-ho Appreciation Awards, and that was a very good thing. But beyond that, the ceremony was an unorganized, sloppy mess and was more confusing than my thought process while trying to follow the word salad, with a drizzling of benzos and vinegar dressing, that Renee Zellweger dribbled out. Some of the performances for the Best Original Song nominees were not announced, and so we were all left brain-burping up question marks when Randy Newman (or, “Is that Bernie Sanders in a wig?!” as my mom called him) randomly popped up on stage to sing his nominated song from Toy Story 4. But the most unforgivable moment of the messy night was Luke Perry getting left out of the In Memoriam. The devil works hard but the Luke Perry-hating Oscar producers work harder.
Billie Eilish, the pair of JNCO jeans that was brought to life by the wave of a raver fairy’s glow stick, crooned out Yesterday as the names and images of those we lost in the past year came up, like Kobe Bryant, Kirk Douglas, Diahann Carroll, Agnes Varda, Danny Aiello, and Godfrey Gao. But the exquisite face of Luke Perry, who died in March 2019, did not make an appearance.
The people of the internet also got mad that Cameron Boyce, Sid Haig, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Tim Conway were left out. The Academy did feature them all on an In Memoriam slideshow on their website.
Yes, I know it’s an annual tradition for us to bitch and moan about who was left out of the In Memoriam, but the Luke Perry erasure is a sin and a crime! The Academy better not fart out some bullshit about how they have to keep the list short due to time constraints (I mean, they wasted our time by getting Eminem to do an old ass song) and how Luke Perry was technically a TV star. Luke was in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie, 8 Seconds, The Fifth Element, and Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, which was a Best Picture nominee this year. Leaving Luke Perry out was unforgivable, and I cannot wait to see pictures of that demonic Oscar statue being led out of the Dolby Theater in handcuffs by the feds. Yes, I said the feds, because when I call 911 to report this crime, I’m sure the operator will say to me, “I need to transfer you to the FBI because this crime is THAT serious.”
Pic: 20th Century Fox