BuzzFeed has let out a cry for help and exploited it in a way that only Dr. Phil can exploit cries for help. It turns out there are ALLEGEDLY (there’s a chance Dr. Phil wrote these tweets himself) people in the world who not only want to bone Dr. Phil and sit on his face, but are willing to take that shit public and tweet about it.
In a segment that should never exist called Dr. Phil Reads Thirst Tweets, Dr. Phil reads tweets about how people actually want to do him and it goes as well as Dr. Phil talking to the Cash Me Ousside girl: confusing, wrong, and sad yet entertaining in a horrifying way.
Here’s the thirsty horror show starring Dr. Phil:
The first tweeter states that an ideal threesome would involve Dr. Phil and Judge Judy. First of all HOW DARE YOU BRING JUDGE JUDY INTO THIS MESS. Judge Judy deserves to be in a threesome with a young Paul Newman, not Dr. Phil at any age! In fairness, Dr. Phil does admit that this person does need help. Serious help.
I will say this was way more entertaining then I thought it would be. I laughed when a confused Dr. Phil asked what a top was and the BuzzFeed editor went on to explain “It’s a little sexual.” You could see the wheels turing as Dr. Phil decides if he wants to be “topped“. It’s like explaining sex positions to your surly grandfather, only it’s about him.
I also loved when someone had the audacity to call him kind of sexy, instead of full blown sexy and he asks if they have seen him with his shirt off?! The thought of topless Dr. Phil with his smug smile and bald head left me ….confused…do I want to see a topless Dr. Phil? I think the answer is no. It’s always been a hard and fast no but he just seems so sure of himself. Oh god, WHAT IS HAPPENING? These tweets are messing with my brain.
That said, I hope everyone who tweeted receives the help that they need. Hopefully Dr. Phil will host a show about what to do if one is attracted to Dr. Phil and we can all work through this together.