Who is the greatest diva of all? This is a question that has haunted man since Cher warbled her first note to Sonny Bono. Answers from Celine Dion to Simon Cowell to your cousin Brandy have been given, but no one has yet reached the ultimate heights of divadom…until now. The current crop of divas can’t hold a candle to the wind to Elton the golden retriever! Like most dogs, Elton loves a good walk but what sets him apart from the rest is his desire, nay…DEMAND to have his paws washed after every stroll through the park. Take notes, Mariah. This is how you diva!
With the holidays in full swing, it’s prime traveling season. Whether by plane, train, or automobile, people are packing the essentials for traveling to their families. Some pack gifts, some pack extra valium, and others inadvertently pack cats. This was stupidly the case last week when a cat named Smells (yes, Smells!) was found trapped inside luggage headed for Orlando, Florida. We are all aware that cats can squeeze into anything, but I would believe people are also aware that we shouldn’t stuff them into carry-on suitcases!
Australia is known for many things. Laid back people, idyllic beaches, desolate yet awe-inspiring landscapes, and dangerous animals that can kill you in an instant. An Australian woman discovered not one but TWO of these such animals in her kitchen. Two pythons had made their way into her house and settled behind the microwave. But instead of plotting a murder, the reptiles decided to get down to business and do the dirty. How rude! You don’t do that in a stranger’s house. You reserve that kind of behavior for an alleyway or the back of a car!
If you enjoyed linewives vs. bucket bunnies, the rancid Pink Sauce debacle, and the chess cheating scandal, this next story is for you! It’s got Avian bird flu, clout-chasing lesbian farmers, the N-word, and one extremely stressed-out emu named Emmanuel Todd Lopez. Now, I’ve heard bits and pieces of this story, but yesterday Jezebel published a helpful summary. Perfect! Let’s dive in, shall we? But first, a trigger warning: FLORIDA.
Take a look at the picture on the left. What do you see? A cute little house cat? Or a dangerous mountain lion (see: actual mountain lion on the right)? The Des Moines Police weren’t sure, but they put their money on “MOUNTAIN LION!” and warned the community about a cougar sighting caught by surveillance cameras. The video they posted to Facebook shows a cat ambling across a lawn. Soon, a great debate began in the comments. Was this a cougar or a kitty? One woman wrote that she had faith in what the cops said (awww, God bless), and the police replied that the Iowa Department of Natural Resources had confirmed that the mystery feline was a “young/small” mountain lion. But, a few hours later, they updated the post with a link to an article stating the obvious: it’s a house cat, ya dummies!
FAT BEAR WEEK is back, baby! And these babies got back (gargantuan brown bear asses). Every year, thousands of fans go online and vote for Katmai National Park’s fattest, most salmon-packed, pre-hibernation-mode bear. Over the weekend, Vanessa informed us that four-time champ Otis was the odds-on favorite to win. But, personally, she was rooting for Holly (#435). Unfortunately for Vanessa, Holly is out. Even worse, she’s been dragged into a cheating scandal! GASP. Cheating at Fat Bear Week? Is nothing sacred?!