The Tech Mogul Who Spend $2 Million A Year To Reverse His Age Is Now Getting Blood Transfusions From His Teenage Son
Remember Bryan Johnson, the evil tech millionaire who dumped his ex-fiancèe when she told him she had breast cancer? Well, this piece of shit is back in the news. This time, it’s for his other claim to fame: his $2 million-a-year obsession with reversing the effects of aging. The New York Post reports that Bryan is using his 17-year-old son, Talmage, as a “blood boy.” It’s exactly like it sounds. Last month, young Talmage donated his precious teen plasma to Bryan, and Bryan donated his middle-aged plasma to his 70-year-old father, Richard, in the first “tri-generational blood-swapping treatment.”
Apparently, Bryan thinks getting his son’s blood fed into his veins will make his body younger. His ultimate goal is to have all his major organs functioning as though he was in his late teens. This includes his brain, kidneys, liver, teeth, hair, skin, penis, and rectum. “Give me your blood, son, so my dick can be 17 again…”
Bryan’s ex, Taryn Southern, says he’s obsessed with being famous, which is probably why he’s obsessed with documenting his efforts to stay young on his YouTube channel. Three days ago, he uploaded a 15-minute video about the blood exchange. Obviously, we shouldn’t be giving this guy any more views, even if we’re all watching it “ironically” (like any good narcissist, Bryan says he “loves” all the hate he gets). So, I valiantly watched the whole video (at 1.5 speed), so you don’t have to.
Off the top, Bryan explains that this blood exchange is based on an experiment where scientists sewed an old mouse to a young mouse. I guess the old mouse got younger or some shit. Then, he introduces his poor son, Talmage. Talmage explains that, up until a year ago, he lived in Virginia with his mother and siblings. Bryan had left the church several years ago, and Talmage says this created a rift between his dad and the kids. Recently, Talmage and Bryan reconnected, and “we began working on practical things in life, like my homework.” Apparently, a little homework help was good enough for Talmage to trust his father again, and, eventually, he left the LDS Church and moved to California to live with Bryan full-time. Um, usually I’m not Team Mormon, but at least that cult didn’t want his blood…
Bryan and Talmage fly to Dallas to do the elective blood exchange at a clinic. During the entire journey, Bryan keeps asking his son how his plasma is doing. It’s presented as a joke, but, um… I think he just really wants to know if he’s getting quality blood. When they get to the Dallas airport, they meet up with Bryan’s father, and then the three go to a hotel, where they do a sexy pre-blood exchange photoshoot wearing white tanks. The next morning, it’s time to do some plasma swappin’! In the van to the clinic, Bryan says their “adventure” is to achieve “a long healthy life united by the beauties of biology and not divided by the tribalism, destruction, and violence of the mind.”
After the transfusions, Talmage says he’s “ecstatic.” He seems to believe that donating a full liter of his blood and taking some of his grandfather’s (???) will be good for retaining his youth as well. I’m not sure why. Here are the weird pics from Bryan’s hotel photoshoot and his YouTube video:
Poor Talmage the Blood Boy! From one brainwasher to another…
Pic: Instagram