Category: 2019 Grammys
Cardi B Is The First Solo Woman To Win A Best Rap Album Grammy
Variety is reporting that last night at the Grammy Awards, Belcalis Almanzar aka Cardi B, became a big winner. And I don’t mean because she managed to get that mutant threeway Disney baby of Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Babette from Beauty and the Beast and Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove out of the Thierry Mugler archive to waddle down the red-carpet in. Cardi also became the first solo woman in Grammys history to win the award for Best Rap Album.
Bebe Rexha Cursed Out An Audience For Not Singing Along To Her Song
I’m curious, does anyone know if it’s possible to jump the shark on yourself? Somebody get The Fonz on the line for a little clarification on the matter, because I’m trying to figure out whether Bebe Rexha just killed her blink-and-you-missed-it singing career or cemented herself on a track t0 mini-pop star status when she ripped her audience new assholes without lube at a pre-Grammy event on Thursday night. It’s a 50/50 proposition, right? Continue reading
Ariana Grande Is Pissed At The Grammys And She’s Letting Them Know On Twitter
As you know, it’s been reported that Ariana Grande will not be clipping in her 7-foot long ponytail, slipping on her tallest-heeled thigh-highs, rolling up the sleeves to her immensely-long sweater, and sashaying down the red carpet of the Grammys on Sunday. Despite being nominated twice. The rumor was that she was pissed those music prudes wouldn’t let her sing 7 Rings and so she quit that bitch. Well, after the Grammys made a lacklustre statement about Ariana’s non-attendance, she got even more pissed and decided to lay them out as she’s done to many a Piers Morgan before them.
Ariana Grande Will Sit Out The Grammys Because They Won’t Let Her Sing “7 Rings”
Pictured: a photo of Ariana Grande sleeping during The Grammys because she’s salty about her new song.
Variety is reporting that Ariana will sit out the Alicia Keys-hosted Grammy Awards this Sunday, because the mean people who work there won’t let her mumble sing 7 Rings during the broadcast. Girl, just get up there and do it, we don’t know what the hell you’re singing 90% of the time anyhow.
Alicia Keys Will HostThe 2019 Grammy Awards
I have not been keeping up with Alicia Keys. Last time I clocked her, she was on Empire, sitting at a white piano wailing about a post-racial society. On Empire! Then I stopped watching Empire so I have no idea what she’s up to these days. Turns out that besides cosplaying as the lovechild of Carmen Sandiego and Hamburglar, and ceremonially burning fake-eyelashes in her hearth, the 15-time Grammy award winner is going to host the 2019 Grammy Awards next month. And according to USA Today, she’ll be the first woman to do so in 14 years since Queen Latifah hosted in 2005. In case you’re scratching your head like me trying to remember who the fuck else has hosted the Grammys, I can tell you that they went hostless from 2006 – 2011. Then LL Cool J hosted from 2012 to 2016, and James Corden did it in 2017 and 2018.
Prepare For The Wrath Of The Swifties And The Beyhive: Taylor Swift And Beyonce Were Shut Out Of The Major Grammy Categories
Every single Grammy voter better arm themselves with RAID Beyhive spray (yes, they make that) and Katy Purry Purrfume (a cat dies every time I type that), because their Gods, Taylor Swift and Beyonce, were denied a nomination in the major categories. The Grammy nominations were announced this morning, and while Tay Tay and Bey Bey were thrown some nominations (aka PITY NOMS!), they didn’t make it into Album of the Year, Record of the Year or Song of the Year. They also didn’t make the Best New Artist cut, and no, they’re far from new, but I’m sure their fans are screaming, “They reinvent themselves with each album they do so they’re a new artist each time!!!!”
Meanwhile, Post Malone, who I’m convinced is a Shia LaBeouf performance art piece based on his favorite Garbage Pail Kid, got nominations for AOTY and ROTY. The Beyhive better not even try to come for Post Malone, because the mutated gnats always buzzing around him will bite off their heads. They’ve been warned.