Pete Wentz told Ryan Gaycrest that he was spending his honeymoon with Asshole in the basement. Pete was lying. They had a honeymoon. They so sneaky! They act like people give a rat’s clitoris. Do rats have clits? Get back to me on that one. I’m too lazy to google.

Ass and Pete arrived in NYC last night from their Caribbean honeymoon. More like Cari-BEIN-UGLY!

And what in blue hell is Pete wearing? I didn’t know Gymboree carried hoodies in size douche.

Amy Wino won an Ivor Novello Award this afternoon, but she wasn’t around to pick it up. Wino eventually arrived, but she was too late to accept her award. It takes a long time to look that haggard.

Wino’s papa je’e, Mitch Wino, accepted the award for “Love Is A Losing Game” which was named Best Song. He told the audience, “I don’t know what I’m doing up here. Amy couldn’t make it, but she is getting better and sends you all her love.”

In the picture above, You can tell Wino is already thinking about how she’s going to turn that award into a pipe. Mitch Wino is thinking about how much money that award might get him on eBay.

In other Wino news, she’s expected to play the Glastonbury Festival on June 28th. Hopefully, the organizers were smart enough to tell Wino that the festival is actually on June 27th. That way they have a much better chance of Wino showing up on the 28th.

62-year-old Loni Anderson married Bob Flick, a member of the folk group The Brothers Four, on Saturday night. Fuck Ashlee and Pete. This was the celebrity wedding of the weekend!

The two first met in the 60s at a film premiere in Minneapolis. They dated for six months, split up right before her amazing actor career took off.

This is Loni’s fourth marriage. She was previously married to Burt Reynolds, Ross Bickell and Bruce Hasselbeck. Wait, Hasselbeck? No relation to Elisabeth, I hope.

Loni is such a hot bitch. Have you ever seen the TV movie where she played Jayne Mansfield? That shit is so awful that it is nothing short of amazing. Below is a scene between Loni and Arnold Schwarzenegger. A wreck.

Source

15-year-old Jennifer Sharpe from Dearborn, Michigan might have set a National record for the amount of Girl Scout cookies sold in one season. Jennifer sold 17,328 boxes in just one season. WHA?! Did she hit up Brit Brit’s house or something?

Jennifer set up shop in a church parking lot from 3pm to 7pm. Monday through Saturday. Sundays, she moved her operation to an auto parts store from 11am to 7pm.

She said, “I know how to get people to buy more. If they buy two boxes and they hand me a 10, I’d be like, ‘For 50 cents more, you can get three,’ because three boxes are $10.50.” Homegirl is a hustler!

A rep for the Girl Scouts of America said there’s no National record on the books.

I admit it, I bought 17,000 of those boxes. Honestly, I still have boxes sitting in my freezer. There’s only so many bowls of Trefoils and milk you can eat in one day. There needs to be a Girl Scout cookie recipe book, because I’m running out of ways to each this shit.

Source

Thanks Kristi

Remy Ma was sentenced to 8 years in the chokey today for shooting a friend outside a NYC nightclub last summer. Remy said it was an accident. Yeah, just like I accidentally went pee pee in my bed last night, because I was too lazy to go to the toilet. I’m joking! I swear. Ok, I’m not.

26-year-old Remy cried when the judge handed down the sentence. It could have been worse. She faced up to 25-years in prison.

To make Remy’s life even more depressing, her weekend wedding was called off by officials.. She was supposed to marry her rapper boyfriend Papoose, but he was caught with a handcuff key during a visit. The dumb fuck tried to smuggle it in. He was immediately kicked off Rikers and told he can’t come back for 6-months.

Papoose tried to hide that key in his poop shoot, didn’t he? He farted and it fell out of his ass.

Source

41-year-old Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child. My non-existent vagina hurts. The 21st member of The Duggar family will be born around New Year’s Day. Baby number 18 will join its 7 sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.

The family lives in a 7,000 square foot home in Arkansas. They are currently shooting a reality series for Discovery Health.

Michelle’s husband, Jim Bob, said, “Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen.”

The Duggar children’s first names all begin with the letter J. They are: Josh, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9-months.

They are running out of Js! They are going to have to start dipping into the Ps soon.

Well, if the Duggars ever run out of room in their house, a few of the children can move into Michelle’s vagina. You know it’s like a 6-car garage up in there.

Source